


Fools Gold

by insufferablelovebirds



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, endgame Louis and Harry, i'm so bad at tagging i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-03-31 13:25:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3979645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insufferablelovebirds/pseuds/insufferablelovebirds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry always knew he wasn't a constant star but he doesn't regret falling for Louis.</p><p> </p><p>the age old "ones in love with the other and he doesn't know " AU .</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the brainchild of Fools Gold on repeat and a tendency to have AUs ideas full of pining.  
> For this story I wanted to mix it up a little so I've changed the names of the family members and their personas / ages / relationships. 
> 
> *I don't know or claim to know anyone mentioned in this fic *
> 
> hope you enjoy! :)

When Harry was seven and Louis was eight they met, Harry had been told that his toys wouldn't be unpacked until later as the kitchen needed to be done first for supper, Dad had suggested he go play in the backyard and that they'd call in a bit, so Harry found himself rolling around in the grass, watching bugs scurry around until he heard a small voice cry out. Harry - being the big boy he was just had to investigate, he rounded the small bushes and found an boy with butterscotch colored hair shooing away a small girl with golden hair, while the butterscotch hair boy shooed the little girl inside Harry stepped up to where they had been standing. On the ground was a frog, it seemed quiet dead not moving and a few ants crawling towards it.

 "It's deader than dead, I think the cat got it." said the butterscotch hair boy stepping up next to Harry hands on his hips, he was few inches taller than Harry.

"We ought to give it a proper burial." Harry nodded, looking at the boy he found him looking back and almost gasped because his eyes were blue blue blue, bluer than he'd ever seen ( and his old friend had the biggest blue eyes ever)

 The boy hummed in agreement. "We need a box then.. have you got a box?" Harry nodded. "Alright you get the box I'll get the shovel and we'll meet here, 'kay?" Harry nodded again and they ran off.

Harry ran right to Susan's new room, he knew exactly what box he needed, he spotted it laying on her bed.

"Um hello, what?" she asked stepping out of the closet with a frown making him jump . "What do you want and why are you in here?" 

 Harry bit his lip and nodded towards the box, Susan rolled her eyes and tossed back her hair, squatting down in front of him. "What is it that you need baby brother?"

 "'m not a baby." Harry protested. "I need that." he pointed to the box on the bed she frowned at him again. 

"Why? "

 Harry bit his lip again. "There's a frog it's very dead it's gonna have a fun-ral."

 " A funeral you mean? " Harry nodded. Susan though for a moment, before dumping the contain of the box on the bed. "Alright, as long as, you don't touch it with your hands and you wash them straight away when you're done." 

Harry nodded again because of course he was a big boy now, _honestly ._

Harry found the butterscotch haired boy poking the frog with a stick.

 "Just makin' sure." he nodded dropping the stick and ripping up a handful of grass to drop into the box carefully scooping it up with the shovel and laying it gently in the box letting Harry secure the lid and carry the box.

He led Harry to a spot behind the fence just outside his backyard. "We buried a fish here 'while ago." he shrugged he dug a nice little hole just big enough for the box.

 "We should say something." Harry said brushing dirt off his hands.

The other boy nodded,  "You were a good frog." he said solemnly.

Harry nodded in agreement. "Very good."

"Well, " said the boy heavily. "See ya around curly."

 

The next day the butterscotch haired boy came over to Harry's house with his mum named Jane and dad named Eric and little sister named Lisabeth , they lived next door and wanted to introduce themselves with a plate of fresh baked cookies.

"Oh goodness." Harry's mum said smoothing back her disheveled hair and shaking hands. "Thank you these smell amazing, do come in. " She ushered them in offering tea introducing herself and Harry's dad and Susan. "And this one is my Harry."

 Harry gave a shy wave as the butterscotch boy bounded from behind his mother where he had been trying to get his little sister to laugh. 

 "Hiya curly!"  Harry giggled and waved.

"Oh, Lou is this who you were talking about last night?" Jane asked amusement bright in her eyes.  Lou nodded a smile splitting his face. 

 "Well, "Harry's mum said with a laugh. "It seems like you've got your first friend here, love."

Lou gasped. "You wanna be friends?!" he asked excitedly. "I've always wanted a best friend neighbor!"  Harry smiled big, part of him knowing he'd found his best friend.

*

When Harry was eleven and Louis was twelve Harry sat on his bed in his room as the sun set casting it into shadows throwing a tennis ball against the space of wall next to the window, progressively throwing harder and harder not caring how much his mum hated the sound until he threw it  right out the open window, hard enough to hit the neighbor's window.

Louis who had been sitting at his desk doing homework jumped looking up and right at Harry, he looked almost as he did when they had met at seven and eight, he was taller though and lithe his hair darkened but still with butterscotch streaks from all the soccer he played - he was, in Harry's opinion the best soccer player in the whole school- and his eyes still blue blue blue as they met Harry's across the short distance between houses.

He must have seen something he didn't like because he set down his pencil and closed his notebook, setting them aside as he climbed over and out dropping the few feet to the ground and jogging over, flicking his hair out of his face giving Harry a crooked smile as he stepped on the gnome beneath Harry's window and hauled himself over the ledge landing right in front of Harry.  

He dropped unceremoniously onto Harry's bed elbow propped on his knee blinking at Harry.

 "How can you love someone enough to marry them and have kids and then 'fall out of love'" Harry asked with a snort, mocking his fathers words.

Louis frowned. "What are you on about, Hazza?"

 Harry fell back on his bed staring at the ceiling. "They're getting a divorce." he said bitterly. "Mum and dad are splitting, because 'they fell out of love' honestly who does that?"

Louis lay down next to him, one hand propping himself up the other carding through the curls that had fallen across Harry's face.

 "Now he's leaving mum to run the house and take care of me and Su all alone." Harry said angry tears filling his eyes. "It isn't fair." he muttered sniffing.

"Oh Hazza, I am sorry." Louis sighed he dropped his hand and tugged Harry closer letting him bury his face into his shirt and pretend he didn't see the tears.

  "Doesn't matter." Harry said after a good cry, sniffling still. "Me, mum and Su will do fine without him, right?"

Louis smiled at him and pounced on his tickling his ribs. "If anyone could be just fine it would be you three." he said over Harry's muffled giggled. "And besides if you ever need anything, we're right next door." he continued sitting back letting Harry catch his breath.

 "Thanks Lou." Harry said softly looking up at him and his blue blue blue eyes.

Louis pushed him off the bed with a laugh. "You're my best friend Curly." he peeked over the edge a soft smile on his lips.

*

Harry was fourteen and Louis was fifteen. They lay on the roof of Harry's house baking in the afternoon sun, Louis had an arm thrown over his eyes, his skin already a deep bronze contrasting strikingly with the towel he lay on. Harry was on his stomach watching as Louis chest expended and compressed with each breath. 

He'd been doing that a lot lately, watching guys. Noticing their jawlines and scruff wondering what it would feel like to have it brush against his skin, their abs wondering what they would feel like under his hands, the way their muscles rolled under their skin, the v of their hips, he found himself agreeing with Susan when she fawned over a "dreamy" actor or singer, found himself dreaming of men while his friends all dreamed of scantly clothed women.

His jaw clenched as his mind was bombarded with the memories of his father's friends shouting at the TV the things they called the players when they fumbled, suggestions his father tentatively agreed with on what the team should do to players who had rumors.

"I can hear the hamster wheel turning." Louis mumbled from under his arm. Harry let out a wet chuckle and Louis sat up, blinking at him. "Hazza?" 

Harry hid his face in his elbow, trying desperately to dry his eyes. He didn't want Louis to see, because Louis could always weasel what was bothering him out and this was something Louis couldn't know. This would break their years long friendship Harry was convinced of it and he couldn't lose Louis. Hands were on his shoulders flipping him over, Louis was leaning over him, blocking out the sun.

 "Hazza what's wrong?" Louis asked, his blue blue blue eyes searching Harry's face. He felt his eyes begin to well up again and shook his head trying to roll over and away from Louis.

 "Nothing, just ..too bright." Harry mumbled.

"Harry," Louis said rolling him over again and holding his shoulders down. "What's up?"

 "Nothing, I told you-" 

"Look at me when you say it." Louis demanded.

 Harry met Louis eyes and felt his eyes well up again covering his face with his hands. "I can't tell you." he muttered miserably.

 "And why the hell not?" Louis said sounding angry as he let go of Harry's shoulders allowing him to curl up tucking his face to his knees.

 "Because." Harry said feeling a tear slid down his cheek burning his skin. "You're my best friend."  

He heard Louis flop back down on the roof. "Isn't that all the more reason to tell me?" he asked gently.

 "I don't want you to stop." Harry groaned.

 "I won't ever stop being your friend Harry, it can't be all that bad." 

Harry stayed quiet.

He could almost hear Louis rolling his eyes. "Why don't you tell me and I'll tell you if it's as horrible as you seem to think."

Harry shot his a look over his arm as menacingly as possible with puffy eyes. "I'm not stupid Louis." 

 "Well you're acting like it." Louis snapped pursing his lips. A part of Harry knew Louis was riling him up just to get him to spill, Louis knew every and all the ways to get under Harry's skin.

 Harry dropped his head. "Promise...promise you'll be honest?" he asked timidly. Louis had been there for him through thick and thin, he'd been right next to him finding ways to vandalize his fathers car when he found out the real reason his parents had divorced was him cheating, been there as they hid after throwing eggs at his fathers car . He'd been there in the hospitable when Harry'd fallen and broken his arm, refusing to leave him. Had jumped into his room with a tub of ice cream when a girl he'd though he had a crush on called him a loser after he set candles up for her all along a bridge near her house for her birthday. He deserved to know this.

"Of course I will be you know me." Louis said going for light and teasing.

Harry nodded swallowing, he opened his eyes and sat up, playing with a loose sting off the towel wrapping it around his finger, he took a deep breath, swallowing. 

 "I'm gay." he closed his eyes again, blood roaring in his ears as he waited for Louis to stalk away or call him names or something of the sort, he wrapped the string tighter. "Say something." Harry begged as the silence stretched on.

"Harry.." Louis started, "You honestly thought that would ruin our friendship?"

Harry shrugged, deep down he knew

 Louis scooted closer wrapping an arm around Harry's shoulders. "Harry you are my best friend the only thing that would stop that is ..I dunno, like you framing me for murder or something." Harry let out a wet chuckle as he brushed away a tear. " Frankly I'm insulted you would even consider that."

Harry shrugged. "I think I  knew but like, I would think about dad and -"

 "Your dad is an high class ass." Louis interrupted. "Don't even think about whatever he spewed, yeah?"

Harry nodded a smile creeping on his face. "Thanks Lou."

 Louis beamed making tiny crinkles at the corners of his eyes appear, he ruffled Harry's hair before laying down on his stomach, resting his head on his forearms. "And besides now we can talk about hot guys together."

 Harry narrowed his eyes. "You ass." he said figuring it out. "Why didn't you say something?"

 Louis shrugged smile still in place. "I was trying to figure out a way to slip it in but." he shrugged again.

 Harry lay down next to him, bumping their elbows together.

*

When Harry was fifteen and Louis was sixteen Harry sat at the kitchen  table doing his schoolwork while he waited for Louis to get out of soccer practice, he'd recently stopped going because Louis teammates started teasing him that Harry was his boyfriend, while Louis never said anything to Harry or acted any differently Harry felt he wasn't but a distraction so he opted to go home. He finished his math and his phone buzzed with a text from Louis.

_Around the corner, coming to yours._

Harry felt a smile grow on his face stacking up his books and stuffing them in his bag, he stood just as Louis opened the back door, head down instead of greeting Harry with the normal mischievous curl to his lips.

 "Are you alright?" he asked stepping forward.

 "I'm fine." Louis snapped dropping his bag and facing away from Harry filling a glass from the tap.

Harry stepped around him and gasped. His left eye was swollen and mottled purple and black . "What the hell, Lou."  Harry said reaching out to grab Louis face. He brushed him off.

"It's nothing." Louis lied. 

"It's something." Harry snapped pinning Louis to the counter and gently grabbing his chin to turn his face . "Jesus, Lou, What happened?" Harry stepped away and gathered an icepack wrapping it in a dishcloth. 

 "Walked into a door." Louis murmured taking the icepack and hissing as he placed it over his eye.

 Harry rolled his eyes, rooting around in the first aid kit for a few painkillers. "What was the door's name?"

 "Just drop it." Louis groaned taking the painkillers.

 "Louis." Harry said perching on the table. "Who did it?"  he forced Louis to look him in the eye and he pulled away.

 "The sub goalie." Louis admitted finally dropping back into his chair and resting his head on the table.

Harry scoffed,  "Why the hell did he give you a black eye."

 "It's not important is it? Can I stay the night? Mum'll kill me."

 Harry frowned, it was't like Louis to let go of something so fast. "Lou, why'd he give you a black eye? Did you fight with him?"

Louis snorted. "No, I was minding my own business and he..."

 "Yes?" Harry prompted.

 Louis lifted his head. "You don't need to know the exact words he used or threats he made Hazza. He just hit me, can we drop it now?"

 Harry's heart broke a little. Loud, bright Louis sat next to him with tears glistening in his good eye as he tried to brushed off the insults that swirled in his mind. 

"Lou.." Harry breathed. 

 "I can't ...it's the way I am, and he acted like it was a choice it's not is it? I'm so sick of it, he's been after me for months now, I should have known it was coming. Being loud about how he was uncomfortable with  "my type" in the locker room. I'm just lucky the rest of them don't  care. " He gave a Harry a shrewd wet smile. "Otherwise I'd not have come out would I?"

"Lou." Harry said again this time hauling him into a hug, tears stinging his eyes. "I'm so sorry I should have been there."

 "No." Louis said pulling away. "No I'm glad you weren't."

 Harry rolled his eyes. "When are you going to stop treating me like a little kid?"

 "What do you mean?"  

Harry shook his head. "Never mind. You need to tell someone about that." he gestured to Louis eye.

 "No, I don't and I'm not going to." Louis snapped.

 Harry gaped at him. "Why not? He hit you, Lou, for no reason!"

 Louis shook his head. "I'm not going to cause trouble, he'll be gone soon it doesn't matter."

 " _Doesn't matter?_ Louis he hit you for being gay, he could get arrested-"

 "Harry I'm not telling anyone and I'm not causing trouble, okay? Just drop it."

Louis turned and began rummaging around in the fridge, Harry stared at his back. "I'll do it then."

 Louis slammed the fridge door shut. "No. You won't. You won't breathe a word of this to anyone under any circumstances, understand? This isn't your fight Harry." Louis hissed.

 Harry shook his head rolling his eyes again. "It's my fight when my best friend gets hurt, Lou I'm not gonna sit here and let this."

 "Fucking hell Harry!" Louis said spinning around, he placed his hands on Harry's shoulders and lean in close. "This is my fight. You will stay out of it. This is my fight and I'm dropping it. Let it alone for fucks sake."

 "Why don't you want me to help you?" Harry said standing up from the table and crossing his arms, voice raising.

 Louis ran his hands through his hair. "Because I'm trying to protect you! Please Harry, just leave it alone."

  "I don't need you to protect me." Harry said softly, just as the front door closed and his mother called out.

"Please." Louis muttered one more time with a helpless glance at Harry.

 Harry's mother entered the kitchen kicking off her shoes. "Hello sweetie, hi Louis good day at school?" she asked, getting things out for dinner.

 "Yeah." Louis replied brightly shooting Harry one more look. "Pretty good."

 She turned to look at him and gasped. "Oh my what happened?" her hands flying up to  check Louis face. He grimaced but let her prod.

 "We were kicking a ball around and he took an elbow to the face." Harry lied swiftly. "I gave him painkillers and we put ice on it.

 "Good." his mother murmured. Picking the icepack back up and applying it to Louis face again. "Good boy." she pressed a kiss to his forehead and gave him a soft smile making Harry's stomach flip with guilt.

"Thank you." Louis muttered as they were shooed from the room so she could cook in peace. 

 

When Harry was sixteen and Louis was seventeen they lay on the floor of Louis bedroom listening to the muted sounds of his parents arguing.

 "They're only together because of the girls." Louis said softly. "Mum and dad."

"Why do you say that?" Harry asked rolling onto his stomach, banging his knee against the dresser, it had seemed over night his limbs had added six inches making him even less coordinated.

 "Heard them last night. I guess they're working out the divorce details and dad said he'd stick around until they were a bit older." 

 "I'm sorry." Harry said softly squeezing Louis ankle. He shrugged. 

"Doesn't matter." 

 Harry sighed, he could tell Louis was upset but he also knew pushing him would get nowhere. "How's  Jamie?" he asked instead gritting his teeth against the name. It wasn't that he disliked the guy he just had a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever he was around.

 Louis snorted digging under his bed for something, finally he emerged triumphant  with a small rolled stick. Harry rolled his eyes and opened the window as Louis dug around for a box of matches.  "We split a week ago, I thought I told you."

Harry frowned taking the matches from Louis and striking one holding it up to the joint to light. "What happened?" Harry asked around the unexplained joy erupting in his stomach.

Louis shrugged, breathing deep closing his eyes and passing it to Harry. "He didn't want to make an effort. I didn't care enough." Louis said around a cloud of smoke.

Harry took a deep hit, turning it over in his fingers before passing it back.

"I'm sorry?" Harry said coughing a little as he blew the smoke out the window.

 Louis laughed lightly, the joint already making him loose and pliant. "Doesn't matter, he was fun." he took another hit. "So what about you? Kiss and tell young Harold."

 It was Harry's turn to snort twisting around to snatch one of the half bottles of water off Louis desk. "Funny."

 "I'm serious." Louis protested trading the join for the water. "Who've you been kissing? I'mma need a list so I can check 'em all out. Neglecting my best friend duties, I am."

 Harry shook his head taking a hit. "Not kissing anybody Lou, you know that."

 "Bullshit." Louis said with a chuckle. "Pretty face like yours you've always had the boys and girls falling over you."

 Harry shook out his hair. "Doesn't mean I catch them."

 Louis stared at him, letting the joint burn low. "Shit, have you kissed anybody at all?"

 Harry shrugged, sipping the bottle again and ducking his head. "You never told me who your first kiss was, You swore you would."  

 "You remember that girl at the play when I was fourteen?" Louis smirked taking another hit and quickly passing it to Harry.

  Harry gaped as he held the drags of the joint up. "You kissed her?" 

 Louis laughed watching Harry take the last hit and stub out the end. "She kissed me, just backstage, freaked me out a little. To this day I don't know if it was her pouncing on me  or the fact I was totally not into it that freaked me out more."

 Harry laughed laying out on the floor, feeling loose and relaxed. Louis joined him on his side, head propped up. "So why aren't you kissing anybody?"

 Harry shook his head, his high making him honest. "Don't wanna mess up and feel stupid or embarrass myself."

 Louis snorted, scooting closer, carding a hand through Harry's hair. " It doesn't work that way Hazza, it's just kissing."

  "It's easy for you." Harry muttered. "You've done it and more." 

Louis watched him, eyes boring into Harry. "I could do it, if you wanted."

 Harry frowned, the weed making his thoughts slow. "What?"

 "Kiss you." he whispered. 

 Harry couldn't stop his eyes from flickering to Louis lips. "Won't that be weird?" He asked clearing his throat.

 "Only if we make it weird." Louis shrugged.  "It was just a suggestion, anyway."

"Okay." Harry said sitting up.

   "Yeah?" Louis asked sitting up as well. Harry nodded quickly and pressed his lips to Louis, Louis chuckled and cupped his cheek.

 "Go slow." he murmured, fitting his lips between Harry's and sucking on his bottom lip, Harry's eyes fluttering shut his hand traveling to the back of Louis neck as he licked into his mouth, Harry sloppily copied Louis' movements. Louis pulled back with a giggle. "Do what feels natural, don't worry about embarrassing yourself."

Harry took a deep breath as Louis fit their lips together again, thumb holding open his jaw lightly, coxing him until Harry had a hand threaded in the hair at the nape of his neck and was sucking on his tongue, Louis tasted like smoke and sweet candies.

Louis broke away biting Harry's lip lightly flopping down on his back, Harry joined him on his side, trying to steady his breath to steady his heart racing as his high wore off and the relation of what happened hit him.

 "I thought." Louis started  voice funny before he cleared his throat. "You said you weren't kissing anybody."  

Harry frowned at him. "You're awfully good at it." 

Harry flushed and hid his face in his arms before reaching out to tickle Louis.

 

Two weeks later when Louis introduced his new boyfriend Harry was able to identify that weird feeling in the pit of his stomach.  Jealously.

*

Harry was eighteen and Louis was nineteen he lay on his back sated and sticky his sheet bunched around his waist, his lower body aching in the most delicious way as he watched Louis tug his jeans up. He glanced over his shoulder and gave Harry a quick grin, returning to the bed with a wet wipe cleaning up the mess on Harry's tummy.

Harry gave him a soft smile, biting his tongue to keep the three words from slipping out. Louis' fingers traveled up over Harry's torso, brushing feather light over his nipples to the bite mark on his shoulder tracing it with a nimble finger and a grimace.

 "Sorry." he muttered. He'd bitten Harry to keep himself quiet as he had been tipped over the edge.

Harry shrugged turning slightly on to his side, resolutely telling his body no as he replayed it in his head. "I like it." 

 Louis rolled his eyes, not before Harry could see them flash dark. "Weirdo."

 Harry giggled watching as Louis stood up to fuss with his hair  in the mirror by the door, it had darkened to a wonderful shade of mahogany, more time spent inside over books and on video games when he quit the soccer team.

 "What are you up to tonight?" Louis asked stealing Harry's sparsely  used bottle of hairspray.

 Harry stretched. "Coming over to  make your sisters something eatable for dinner." 

Louis grinned sprawled across Harry's legs. "See that's why you're my best friend."

Harry chuckled dryly, lump in his throat. Friend. That's all he's ever been and that's all he'll ever be to Louis is a friend, he shook his head, mentally shoring up the tape that held his heart together back up.

"Don't you have work or something?"

Louis groaned biting Harry's thigh through the sheet. "Yeah I need to go." he stuck out his tongue and stood, Harry bit back a smile as he fixed his hair one more time stealing one of Harry's shirts and winking before slipping out the door.

Harry groaned and buried his face into his pillow wondering, yet again, how he'd gotten himself so mixed up. It had all started after they'd kissed...and kissed again....and again, it became a thing whenever Louis wasn't dating or had a boyfriend he and Harry would get bored and make out, that became messy handjobs and soon followed by even messier blowjobs.

About a year ago now they'd been at a party, sloppy and drunk while everyone around them hooked up Louis had drug him upstairs unlocking his bedroom and pulling Harry in. 

"Don't want none of them gettin' you." he'd nodded pressed close to Harry's body, face in his neck. "Don't want you to get hurt, gotta be careful. Gotta be right."

 Harry's chest heaved.

"Then you do it." He'd whispered. 

Louis had gazed at him, eyes glassy and mouth red. "You want that?"

 "Show me." he'd breathed.

Soon Louis had spread him out on the bed, eyes flickering between his hands and Harry's face, it wasn't until Harry was begging that he finally hovered over Harry.

"You're sure?" 

 "It's only weird if you make it." Harry quirked breathlessly.  Louis had laughed easing in, murmuring words of reassurance while Harry had felt something warming in his chest for his best friend.

 

Harry shook his head again clearing his head before sitting up and heading towards the shower. He might regret continuing to blur the line between friends and more but he didn't regret falling for him.

*

"I'm worried about you." was the first thing Liam said when Harry walked into the bakery.

 "Oh hi, Liam how are you?" Harry asked stepping around his broad shoulders, to wash his hands in the back room. He could almost hear Liam rolling his eyes.

 "Like I said I'm worried about you." he repeated following Harry, leaning against an oven. "Louis' leaving in the fall and you still haven't told him how you feel."

 "And I'm not going to." Harry snapped drying his hands.

 "Harry.." Liam sighed following Harry to the fondant station. 

 Harry sat gingerly on the stool they left out for him once they'd discovered his weird talent in making fondant roses he was left a ball of fondant and a number every afternoon. "No Liam, we've been over this."

 Liam sighed again , dropping his voice in the empty store. "Harry you two fuck."

"I'm very aware Liam, thanks."

 Liam growled in frustration. "That isn't friendly, Harry."

"Liam leave it alone I'm not risking years of friendship because of a stupid crush okay?"

 "You're both idiots." Liam sighed and left muttering under his breath as he manned the till.

Liam had met Louis through what Louis was known to do - flirt unabashedly with attractive men. It had been a sight to watch Liam try  turn Louis away without telling him he wasn't interested, it had been one of the rare times Harry hadn't felt a spark of jealously watching Louis flirt. 

After the slow afternoon Harry had made over thirty roses by the time the bakery closed, covering them with a sheet of cling wrap he met Liam at the front of the store. 

Liam started talking. "What happens when he goes off to school and gets a serious relationship? When he gets married? Has kids? Harry you're honestly going to just-"

 "Support my best friend? Yeah I am, none of which includes telling him how I feel." Harry snapped as Liam locked up.

Liam spun the keys on his finger. "So you're going to forfeit your happiness for him?" Harry looked away not able to meet Liam's concerned  doe eyes. "How do you know he doesn't feel the same?"

 Harry rolled his suddenly damp eyes, he hated talking to Liam about this, always made him feel more, like he should rethink everything.

"He's had over ten years Li. I'm just a friend, always will be."

 "Maybe he's worried you don't feel the same?" Liam suggested as they walked towards Liam's car. 

Harry shook his head. "It doesn't matter." he wiped at his dripping nose, giving Liam a small smile and wave. "See you this weekend?"

 Liam nodded, sad eyes watching Harry as he crossed the street .

*

The sun was setting and Harry's eyes were dry by the time he reached Louis house, he raised his fist to knock and the door swung open; The golden haired little girl from years ago had turned into a golden haired teenager, with big blue eyes, black lipstick  and multiple piercings.

 "Oh thank god." she sighed grabbing Harry's forearm and yanking him in. "He's going to burn the house down."

 "Thanks a lot!" Louis yelled from the depths of the house.

 "Well she's not wrong." Harry said picking his way carefully around the assorted bits and bobs scattered across the floor from what seemed to be an art project to the kitchen. Louis stood in front of the stove a pot of water boiling away.

 "You only agree with him because you've got a crush on him." Louis rolled his eyes with a wave of his hand. 

 "I do not!" she gasped cheeks pinking. 

 Harry giggled. "You have a crush on me?" 

 "I hate you both." she said storming out and up the stairs.

Harry laughed and joined Louis at the stove. "What are you making? " he asked hip checking him.

 Louis stared down into the pot. "Spaghetti?"  

 "Is it a question?" 

 Louis threw his hands into the air. "I don't know. Just fix it."

 Harry tsked and nudged him away gathering things he needed to cook. "What are you going to do when I'm not here to cook  for you?" he teased.

 Louis slide up to next to him. "Eat instant noodles all the time." Harry rolled his eyes. "I'll just have to take you with me everywhere."

  Harry stirred in the pasta. "That'll be fine until you're off at school."

Louis coughed. "Yeah, I guess."

 Harry watched him toy with a loose string on his shirt out of the corner of his eye. "Lou your final grade wasn't bad."

 "I wasn't good either Harry." he snapped, turning away and sitting at the table. 

 Harry frowned, turning off the pot and turning to Louis. "Have you gotten a denial letter or.."

Louis chuckled dryly. "I haven't sent out any applications."

 "Why not?"

 Louis rolled his eyes and dropped his head onto the table. "Because I don't know when dad's leaving and I don't know if my scores' good enough and I don't know what I want to do and I just don't know."

 "Lou.." 

"And I know if I'm here when he does leave I'm not going to leave but that's selfish because I should be here."

 "It's not selfish Lou." Harry promised as he set the pot aside to cool.

"Wanting to be as far away as I can when my family gets a huge upheaval isn't selfish ? Coming from you? Right." 

 Harry rolled his eyes and sat on the table folding his legs under him forcing Louis to look up at him. "No it's not, that isn't you, that's your mum and dad."

Louis fought a smile, pinching Harry's leg letting his hand rest on Harry's thigh. "That's what I told you ages ago, idiot."

Harry beamed, Louis touch giving him butterflies. "It fits doesn't it?"

 Louis smiled up at him through his eyes lashes. "I'll call the girls." he muttered standing up.

 

After dinner Harry found himself sprawled across the couch his head in Louis lap while he carded through his curls absentmindedly, it was comfortable and usual but still made Harry's heart ache a little. Louis had always found a reason to cuddle Harry since the day they met, he'd have hand on Harry's back or hip or shoulder, a hand lingering longer than it needed to, he always carded a hand through Harry's hair when he had the chance, for a while Harry believed it was only for him, that it meant something. He realized it was just another thing about Louis.

They were nearing the end of the movie when the front door opened and Louis father came in, dropping his briefcase by the door. "Why are you still up?" he asked blankly staring at them in the flicker of the tv screen.

 "Movie." Louis muttered, frowning when Harry sat up shaking out his hair.

His father had  never given Harry a reason to think he disliked him but he gave off a feel that he didn't, more so since word about Harry being out had traveled around town.

"Don't you have homework?" He directed at Harry.

 "Um, it's summer?" Harry asked biting the corner of his mouth. He saw Louis roll his eyes and stand up as the end credits rolled.

"There's food in the fridge." he muttered taking their empty dishes into the kitchen, Harry stayed on the couch and played with his phone but could still hear them clearly.

"Where's your mother?" 

"Four to five shift remember?" Louis said, it sounded like he was loading the dishwasher.

His father grunted.

"Why is he here so late?" 

 Louis bit out a laugh. "Not because he's been my best friend for years or anything."

 "Don't take that tone with me." his father snapped out. Harry knew Louis was rolling his eyes. "You know about him right?"

 "Know what?" Louis asked tone icy.

 "I'm just saying you being with him all the time and him being...out, doesn't make it hard Louis."

"What does that even mean?" Louis snapped, Harry could tell he was getting that wild look in his eye and his mouth was tightening to a thin line.

 "When was the last time you had a girlfriend to show off huh?"

Louis let out a bark of laughter. "Oh my god it's no wonder mom's divorcing you."

 "Leave that out of this. Things are being said Louis- by my co workers- things I don't need surrounding me not now."

 "What things? What that your son has a gay best friend? Does that bother you? No wait how does that even effect you?" Louis snapped his voice rising. 

"Louis I don't need rumors."

 "About what?! That that's why you and mom are splitting? Give me a break."

 "Louis." his father's voice turned warning. Without realizing it Harry was on his feet by the kitchen.

"No." Louis said sharply, his voice was tight like it got before he cried. "No, I'm not changing my relationship with Harry for your stupid harebrained theories, go grow a pair for fucks sake."

Louis wrenched open the kitchen door and froze seeing Harry, his eyes softened and he grabbed him by the wrist almost dragging him down the hall to his bedroom, leaning his head on the door while Harry stood back.

"He's _such_ an ass sometimes." Louis said shakily.

 "If it's causing trouble I can leave, Lou you know that." Harry whispered.

 "No." Louis snapped. "No, it's his problem."  Louis wrapped himself around Harry hugging him fiercely, making a lightening bolt shoot up his spine. "You're my best friend, nothing's ever going to change that." 

Harry hugged him back, tucking his face into his neck, swallowing around the lump in his throat.

"Nothing." he repeated.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry lay in bed watching Louis he'd shoved Harry over sometime late last night  claiming the camp bed in the corner was cold and he needed a snuggle. His thoughts traveled to when he fell in love with Louis, or rather when he realized he'd fallen in love with Louis. He couldn't pinpoint an exact time that he fell, but there were plenty of times if felt like he'd fallen.

Maybe it was when he giggled behind a bush with him after egging his fathers car, or  seeing him furious and red eyed arguing with the nurse about going back with Harry when he'd broken his arm, maybe it was when Susan left for school and he kept him busy all day to keep from missing her, maybe it was when they'd trekked down to the creek in the dead of summer just to stick their toes in.

Louis shifted pressing in closer to Harry, nuzzling his face into Harry's neck.

Maybe it was when he made Harry giggle into a kiss for the first time, maybe it was when he'd tucked a blanket around him and slept on the floor next to him when he'd been sick and Harry had woken up to find him watching him fondly from the floor.

Harry shuffled around slipping his arm out from under Louis and stood up.

Maybe it was after their first time when he'd woken up curled in Louis arms, his hands carding through Harry's curls, maybe it was when he'd given him a small smile asking if he was okay, if he'd hurt him.

Harry slipped on a pair of shorts and his sneakers, slipping on a headband his mother had bought him saying she was tired of having a shaggy dog instead of a son. Harry turned the door knob slowly, glancing back at Louis sleeping form.

Maybe it was when he got to see Louis like this for the first time, soft and pliant in his bed, wrapped up in his sheets curled against his pillow.

 "Morning love." Harry jumped at his mother's voice, closing the door softly.

"Morning." he replied kissing her cheek.

 "Out for a run?" she asked smile playing on her lips as she headed to her bedroom. 

 Harry shrugged. "I figured before it got too warm."

She smiled softly eyes darting his closed bedroom door. "Louis still asleep I take it?" making Harry chuckle. "Honey is there..."

Harry's smile faded, eyes darting away from her as she sighed. 

 "If you ever need to you can talk to me about anything you know that, I won't judge you."

 Harry felt his cheek burn. "Mum.." he whined.

She laughed softly and cupped his cheek. "You're not a baby anymore." 

 Harry wrapped his arms around her. "Always your baby mum." 

 She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Have a nice run, I'll see you for dinner?"

*

Louis was awake by the time Harry got back and showered, he flopped down across Louis.

"Gross." Louis muttered smacking him with a pillow. "Where were you?"

 Harry stretched with a groan. "Went for a run." Louis made a noise of disgust . Harry grinned wickedly . "Had a wheatgerm  smoothly too ."

 Harry laughed as Louis gagged. "What is wrong with you honestly."

 Harry flopped around until he was spread across Louis, still wet hair dripping around his head. "You love it." 

Louis rolled his eyes and turned them on their sides, hand ghosting over Harry's naked skin. "What are you doing today?"

 "We're meeting Li and Niall at the park to kick the ball around, remember?" Harry said eyes fluttering shut as Louis fingers traced patterns on his hip.

Louis laughed lightly, "You mean we kick the ball and you lay on your back."

 Harry pouted. "Hey," he said drawing out the word. "Fuck you."

 "Well if you insist." Louis grinned tugging on one of Harry's curls. "But later, I have to go help mum get the girls ready for camp but they're too cool for me to take them up."

 Harry groaned giving him a weak slap as he stood. "Damn tease."

 Louis laughed out right the warm sound filling up the room, filling Harry's chest.

"See ya in a bit Haz." he ruffled Harry's hair and slipped out of the room, turning over Harry could see him making his way up the steps of his house.

Harry groaned as he flipped over in bed burying his face in his pillow, contemplating what a mess he'd gotten himself in.

 

  "About time." Louis said opening the door and propping his hip against it, he was bare except  a towel slung low around his waist and a blush covering is chest, Harry had the sudden desire to  slam the door so nobody else could see Louis like that, so this was only his.

 "It's a less than two minute walk..?" Harry said slowly stuffing his phone in his pocket.

Louis shrugged his eyes traveling down Harry's body and back up, making him shiver." Still took too long." 

Once Harry was in Louis closed and locked the door before pushing Harry against it and biting sharply just under his jaw, drawing a gasp.

"Lou." he groaned hands coming to grip Louis hips harshly. "Bed now, c'mon."

 "Yeah?" Louis muttered lips leaving trails like fire across Harry's skin. "Gonna fuck me?"

"Not if you kill me first." Harry grit out as Louis' hands slipped into his jeans. 

Louis laughed and stepped away from Harry. "Race ya."

"Cheater!" Harry crowed chasing after him to his room, tripping as he pulled off his shoes. He found the towel on the floor and Louis stretched out on his bed a hand stroking up his chest, eyes alight.

 "Christ Lou." Harry muttered locking the door and stripping. Louis laughed and pulled Harry down covering his body, kissing his neck.

"Let's go slow, we've got time." Louis muttered between kisses.

 

Harry's leg was thrown over Louis' thighs with one hand tangled in the pillow above their heads while the other traced patterns on Louis shoulder as they panted coming down. Louis sighed and buried into Harry's side, eyes closed.

Harry loved the moments like this, quiet and comfortable, wrapped around each other, trading soft touches and kisses, he could pretend for a little while that it was real, that Louis felt the same way.

Louis phone pinged with a text, breaking the moment. Louis stood and stretched lips quirking as he noticed Harry rolling on to his side to watch him.

  "Liam wants to know if I'm bring the ball or he is." Louis said watching Harry scratch his naked hip before typing out a quick response.

"I guess we better get going then." Harry sighed standing and twisting trying to get his back to pop a dull ache setting in.

 "Yeah. Louis said picking up his discarded towel and cleaning up Harry's chest before dashing to the bathroom to clean up himself while Harry tidied up the room, spraying air freshener to mask the smell of sex. He was pulling his shirt over his head when Louis returned giving him a quick smile and digging around for clothes, Harry picked up a black eyeliner pencil that sat on Louis desk  and twirled it in his fingers, humming as Louis held up a shirt eyebrows raised. 

 "Isn't  that mine?" he asked.

 Louis shrugged. slipping it over his head, it hung loosely on his shoulders, stretched from someone broader Louis rolled his eyes as Harry giggled slipping on his shoes and rolling up the cuffs of his jeans, once done he straddled Harry plucking the eyeliner out of his hand, clasping his chin firmly and telling him to look up as he drug the fine tip along Harry's bottom lashes, smudging it slightly.

"There. A Disney princess we'll make you yet."  he said with a smile standing to fix his hair.

*

They entered the diner in a wave of sweaty boy and grass. They collapsed into a booth Niall and Liam chatting about  a match while Harry watched Louis as he tried to catch the eye of the boy behind the counter with a nose piercing and an arm of tattoos. Harry shivered the cold air drying the thin sheen of sweat that covered his body.

"Oh not you again." Jade sighed pushing her glasses up her nose. "Alright what do you want?"

 "Amazing service I mean really outstanding." Louis clapped, standing to hug her. 

 Jade frown but accepted the hug. "You're leaving us, I don't have to be nice to you." she protested taking their menus.

 "Don't worry Jade dear, I have fond memories of you making me clean up the cooking oil when we snuck in and spilled it."

Jade laughed. "That was fun." she sighed she glanced at Harry who was steadily  shedding his napkin and avoiding eye contact. "I'll get your stuff." 

"Alright, Harry?" Niall asked in an undertone.  Harry made an effort to sit up straight and gave him a small grin.

 "I'm fine." 

Niall looked unconvinced and bumped their knees together as Louis stood. 

 "I'll be right back." he murmured fluffing up his hair and walking towards the boy at the counter. Harry rolled his eyes and tuned into Liam and Niall's conversation.

 ".. not that hard." Liam was saying folding a square of paper into a pyramid and flicking it towards Harry who dropped it. "Or maybe it is." 

"Shut up Liam."  Harry tossed it in his face with a laugh.

He couldn't stop from glancing over as Louis did his signature flirting pose and fluttered his eyelashes at the boy. He was jostled by Liam pushing his feet off the booth and sliding in next to him.

"You okay?" he asked slinging an arm around his shoulder.

Harry rolled his eyes avoiding eye contact. "Of course I am."

"Hold up Payno, what are you doing." Louis interrupted.

 "Well you seemed busy, so I'm enjoying time with my friends." Liam replied coolly.

 "What's that supposed to mean?" Louis snapped raising an eyebrow and stepping aside while Jade placed their orders eyes jumping between them. 

 Liam shrugged.

 "Oh for fucks sake." Harry snapped standing while Louis formed a retort.

   "Hey Harry, can I show you something real quick?" Jade pipped up. 

Harry nodded and followed her to the back room. "What's up?" he sighed.

 She smiled at him. "Nothing I just thought you needed a minute." 

Harry returned her smile warmly. "Thanks. " he said softly, biting his lip.

She paused and squeezed his bicep. "I don't know what's going on with you and Louis - and I don't want to- but you two will work it out, yeah? You've been attached at the hip since I've known you." 

" I think that's part of the problem but I'm sure we will." 

She looked at him oddly before pulling him into a hug.

Louis and Liam were glaring at each other across the table when Harry returned, stealing Louis milkshake and plopping down in his seat glancing around at the table.

 "What did Jade show you?" Niall asked eyes wide in a pleading manner, Liam and Louis always reeled him in as a middle man during a fight.

"Oh just this book she wanted to know if I had it or not." 

 Niall nodded and stuffed his burger in his mouth eyes darting between Louis and Liam. Harry rolled his eyes and tried to pick up conversation, A few minutes later the boy from behind the counter brushed his fingers along the back of Louis neck.

"Ready?" he asked flashing the table a quick smile.

 Louis broke his glare and glance at the boy. "Yeah." he squeezed Harry's knee before standing. "See you later."

 Harry gave a curt nod and finished his milkshake ignoring Liam's eyes. 

 "What is it about him that you like Harry honestly?"  he asked exasperated. 

 "Same things you do Liam, but on another level." Harry snapped he stood placing some money on the center of the table. "See you later."

 "Harry wait." Liam sighed grabbing his wrist. "I'm sorry, okay? He's just.... so infuriating some times, you know that."

 Harry nodded giving Liam a quick smile. "I know." he sighed softly. "See you later."

 Niall nudged the tip of his shoe. "Are you really okay?"

 "I'll be fine."

*

Harry closed the front door, the sun just setting along the horizon, making the sky orange. 

"Oh good, I was worried you wouldn't make it home in time." his mother said walking down the hall. 

 "You look lovely." Harry said startled by her elegant red dress swirling around her knees as she slipped in her shoes, gripping his shoulder for steadiness.

 "Oh thank you sweetie, I forgot I had a work dinner tonight." Harry hummed as she held her hair back for him to finish the zipper. "I'm not sure if I'll be late tonight or early tomorrow, depends on how long it goes, will you be okay here alone?"

 "Of course I will mum, honestly." Harry rolled his eyes, helping her into her jacket.

She turned and patted his cheek, in her heels she was as tall as him, she brushed hair off his forehead and pressed a kiss. " I know you will, but Jane's next door if you need her and there's money in the kitchen for take out if you want, don't invite anyone over - anyone other than Louis, Niall or Liam of course- call me if you need anything."

Harry followed her out to her car. "I know the drill mum."

 She sighed getting into the car. "I know you do, I'll text you . I love you."

 "Love you too mum. Have fun." he called waving as she backed out.

The house next door opened and Louis mother stuck her head out. "Oh hello dear, how are you?" 

 "I'm good, you?" Harry asked rocking on his feet, hands deep in his pockets.

 She smiled at him. "I'm lovely thanks, Though I am missing one of my children, Haven't seen him have you? " she held up a hand. "About so tall? Dark hair? " 

Harry laughed. "He's gone out with someone."  
 Jane sighed. "One of these days I swear...He was supposed to come home and keep an eye on Lizzy." she explained rolling her eyes.

 Harry smiled sadly, "I can come over if you'd like? Mum's gone for work so I can like grab my phone and stay."

 "Oh I don't want to ruin your evening, thank you though sweetie."

 "It's really no problem, I haven't any plans - other than maybe Cutthroat Kitchens and Chinese take out."

 

When the door opened Harry was sprawled on the couch a box of fried rice in his lap.

"You need to text your mum, she's going to worry."  he said around a mouthful snapping his chopsticks at her.

 "Charming." Lizzy said dropping down next to him, sliding her phone on to the coffee table. "Why are you here?"

He shrugged. "Lou was busy so your mum asked me to be here when you got home."

 she took the eggroll he offered and hummed. "She's worried about him." 

Harry muted the show. "Why's that?"

 She shrugged, leaning her head onto his shoulder. "She's worried he's not acting responsible and is going to end up hurt or something. Oh and that dad'll find out about him and they'll go off on each other."

Harry's head snapped around. "You know?"

 "About him being into guys?" Lizzy mused, taking Harry's chopsticks and pinching a few noodles from another box into her mouth. "Yeah, known for years."

 "Does he know you know?" he asked speciously. 

 Lizzy rolled her eyes. "Yeah I totally just dropped it into a conversation. 'Yeah I'll be home in time for dinner oh and FYI I know you're into dick'." 

Harry laughed and pulled her to his side. "I guess it's not that easy, huh? Let him know though, yeah? he's always so worried you'll find out the wrong way."

 "You're too good a friend." she said settling back into his side.

 

Louis slipped in the back door freezing when he saw Harry at the sink.   
"I'm late." he stated.

"Really late." Harry agreed sipping his water.

 Louis rubbed a hand over his face. "Sorry I just got caught up, this guy." he paused, dropping his hand. "He's really really nice Haz, you wouldn't believe."

 Harry hummed. "Better than the usual then." he voiced offhandedly, he froze.

 Louis let out a humorless chuckle. "You too then?" he dropped into a kitchen chair. "You going to go off on me too?"

 "I didn't mean that." Harry said rising his cup. 

 "But you said it." Louis snapped. " I thought you were on my side." 

 Harry scoffed spinning on his heel. "I''m always on your side Lou, that's never going to change."

  "But.." Louis prompted. 

 Harry rolled his eyes leaning back against the sink hands deep in his pockets. "But that doesn't mean I have to agree with all your choices." he shrugged, going to slip on his shoes.

 "I'm not asking  or expecting you to." Louis said following him to the front door and leaning against the wall.

 "I'm asking and expecting is for you not to be a dickhead."

 Harry rolled his eyes again, patting his pockets for his keys. "You ever think maybe the guys you go out with are the dickheads and I treat them accordingly ?" he shrugged.

 "Lizzy's asleep upstairs, there's a bit of leftovers in the fridge if you're hungry."

 Louis followed him outside. "You didn't answer." 

"What?" Harry paused at the end of the side walk, body angled towards his house. 

 "Why you're such a dickhead to the guys I date."

 Harry sighed glancing around, the real answer he couldn't give, but Louis would know if he pulled out a lie. "Because..I've seen you hurt too many times, okay?" 

Louis held his gaze a moment, blue blue blue eyes boring into his, before he dropped his eyes to the sidewalk. "Night Hazza." 

"Night." Harry muttered watching as Louis looked at him again, a soft smile playing on his lips.

*** 

Harry was jarred awake by his phone vibrating off the bedside table and onto the floor, making a worrisome cracking noise.

 " 'Lo?" he groaned, drowsiness pulling at his every limb. 

"Hazzzza!" an familiar voice screamed in his ear. "Guess what!"

 "You're completely  roasted?" Harry suggested halfheartedly, remembering the unanswered text messages he'd sent him throughout the past two weeks.

 "Absolutely, completely!" Louis giggled over the phone. "Vodka is the best isn't it Haz?"

 Harry grunted, rolling on to his back. "Why are you calling me at -." he checked the time on his phone. "Three in the morning?" 

  "Well." Louis said dragging out the word. "We're a bit too much to gibe- drive, and you are my bestest friend in the whole wide world."

 "And you need me to pick you up?" Harry finished, swinging his legs over the bed, feet touching the cool floor as he gained his boundaries.  

Louis giggled again, whispering to someone. "Yes, bestest Hazza."

 Harry rolled his eyes and stood, slipping on a pair of sweat pants and a baggy tank top. "Can you text me the address or are you too far over to work your phone?" 

 "I'll work on that." Louis said sounding serious as Harry slipped on shoes.

Harry rolled up at the address he managed to decode from Louis drunken texting. It appeared to have  been a house party and from beer cans, underwear and sleeping teenagers on the front lawn a wild one at that, he ignored the pang in his chest at the memories of he and Louis tackling house parties together, always ending up on the better side laughing cruelly at the less fortunate as they spilled  their stomachs into the bushes  .  He scanned the yard, seeing several familiar faces from school finally landing on the one he was looking for.

Louis was laughing his arms wrapped around the waist of a the tattooed boy from the diner, as he watched Louis stopped his hands sliding to the boy's hips, he tucked in  a loose lock of dirty blond hair behind his ear and in turn the boy sealed their lips together, a hand traveling down Louis back to rest on his ass. 

Harry leaned on the horn of his mother car, startling a large crowd of teenagers. Louis broke away and made his way to Harry, dragging the boy behind him.

 "Hazza!" he said a warm smile taking over his face as he climbed in the front seat, "Such a good Hazza." he patted Harry's cheek with  dopey movements.

 "You really are gone, aren't you?" Harry asked, a smile creeping on his face. 

 "Yeah." Louis sighed dreamily. "Good stuff."

"What are you on exactly?" Harry asked starting the car. 

 Louis shrugged. "Smoked some stuff, drank some stuff, all good. Oh Yeah! this is Collin." he jerked his thumb to the back seat.

 Harry glanced in the rear view mirror at the boy who seemed to be studying the stitching on the back of Harry's seat. "Hey." 

 Collin blinked up at him and lifted a hand to pet Harry's curls. "Hello, young one."

 "Right." Harry said, while Louis cackled in the seat next to him. "Mate, can you tell me where you live?"  
 "Home."

Harry took a deep breath. "I know but like the address?"

 "Oh." he said dragging out the word. "Yes, turn left."

Twenty minutes later Harry pulled over and put on the brake outside of Collin's building, so far there'd only been one meltdown when he'd cried about the stars in Harry's hair and sent him in the wrong direction. 

"Here you go mate, have a nice night." he rubbed his eyes and yawned while Collin climbed out of the car on his hands and knees. Harry startled when Louis hand brushed his as he tried to unclasp his seat belt. 

"Whoa, what are you doing?" Harry asked hand covering Louis.

 "Coming with me?" Collin said. "We'll go on the roof and touch the stars!" 

Louis laugh was bubbly and light, watching Collin spin around his arms spread out. 

"No." Harry said firmly. "You're not."

Collin shrugged and leaned through the window to kiss a pouting Louis. Once the sound of tongues sliding together and soft moans got to be too much of Harry he started the car again . 

"Say good night, Louis." Harry sighed. 

 "Good night." Louis parroted sullenly. "Why'd you do that?" he asked once Harry got on the road again, the sky becoming lighter.

 Harry sighed rubbing his face at a traffic light. "Because I'm not going to go home and worry that I'd left you to fall off a building or choke on your own vomit or something, okay?"

 Louis grunted. "Collin would have taken care of me." 

 "Fucking fine for Collin then." Harry snapped, gripping the steering wheel tightly. "Collin was seeing goddamn stars Louis. What the hell were you thinking going and not having a sober driver?"

"Oh my god." Louis groaned, banging his head lightly on the window. "When did you get so boring?"

 "When did you get reckless? This isn't like you Lou."

 "What the fuck you do know what I'm like Harry?" Louis snapped. Harry glanced away from the road to Louis icy blue blue blue eyes. "I'm not a one dimensional person, fucks sake."

 "What are you on about?"

 "You." Louis snapped. "You act like I have to be the same person I am with you with everybody."

Harry sighed. "Lou it's too early for your crisis, lets talk about it later okay?"

They rode in silence Louis sat back in his seat sullenly.

"Are you going to go home or do you want to kip at mine?" Harry asked killing the engine in his driveway.

 "Yours if I can." Louis muttered tiredly sobering up slightly.

Harry shrugged and climbed out of the car, Louis trailing behind him, Harry made a stop at the kitchen finding Louis leaning against the hallway wall, eyes closed.

"Do you want a shower?" Harry asked, opening his bedroom door.  Louis shook his head.

"Just sleep." he murmured sagging onto the camp bed in the corner of Harry's room. Harry nodded, handing him a bottle of electrolytes and a couple of pain killers. Louis looked up at him, eyes wide. "I was just treating you like shit." 

Harry shrugged, stripping down to his boxers and flopping back onto his bed. "Whatever, just take them and drink at least half of that so you don't die in the morning." 

 

The sun was hot on Harry's back when he woke, he groaned rolling over pulling his sheet over his head and turning to face the room, eyes landing on Louis camp bed. He was awake, leaning back against the wall his hair still dripping on to one of Harry's shirts.

 "Thanks for last night." he said glancing up from his phone and shaking the half empty bottle slightly.

"No problem." Harry rasped, he sat up on his elbows, rubbing his hands across his face. "What are you up to today?"  
 "Collin and I are going to this movie marathon thing."

 Harry snorted face planting back in the pillow. 

"A problem?" Louis asked tensely. 

 Harry rolled on to his back looking up at the ceiling. "No problem, just wondering why you're abandoning us."

 Louis leaned forward on the bed, "What are you talking about? Abandoning you?"

 Harry rolled his eyes turning to face the window. "Never mind, go have fun let me know when you want to be friends with me again." 

the bed dipped and Harry was being rolled onto his back. "What the fuck Harry?"

 Harry gazed up at Louis face, mentally tracing the line of his cheekbone, sweeping under the  circles under his eyes, down his jawline, he'd like to kiss all of those away.

"Do you have any idea what's going on in my life right now?" he inquired instead. 

Louis stayed silent.

 "What about Liam? Or Niall? Anything?"

Louis swallowed and broke eye contact. "If anything important was happening you would have told me."

"I did." 

Louis eyes snapped back to Harry's face.

"I called you and texted you, but you didn't listen did you?"

 Louis rolled his eyes, "I must have forgot-"

"Liam got the internship he wanted, he's leaving in two weeks for that." Harry sat up listing on his fingers. "Niall's going back home for the rest of the summer a week after that. And I got a fucking promotion at the bakery, but you _forgot._ "

Louis sat slack jawed. "Harry I.."

 "Don't Lou, we've all gotten past it, just show up to Liam's party next week, okay?" Harry turned on his side again, squeezing his eyes closed swallowing around  the lump in his throat. 

***

Liam was rocking on his heels hands in the pockets of his jeans, red handkerchief in his pocket, cap low over his eyes, the porch light throwing his face into shadows.  He smiled when Harry opened the door. 

"Hey mate ready?"

 "Yeah, just let me grab my shoes. Mum, I'm going now!" Harry called, slipping into his boots still stiff having only been worn twice. 

 His mother appeared wrapped in a robe, glass of wine in hand. "Hey Liam, Alright sweetie, be careful, think safe  and be home before the sun comes up." she pressed a kiss to Harry's cheek after his quick hug. 

"Will do mum, love you loads." Harry replied wiping at a random smudge of eyeliner on his cheek, before giving her a quick smile.

"Love you too." she said after giving Liam a quick hug, congratulating him again and giving the same beseech for safety. 

Harry waved and slipped into Liam's car, seats still cool from the air.

 "Do we have to pick up Ni?" Harry asked, turning down Imagine Dragons.

 "Nah, he's going to meet us there. Have you heard from Lou?" Liam asked.

"Nope." Harry said trying to sound nonchalant, picking a hole in his jeans, he was beginning to regret the sheerness of his sweater, feeling like Liam was opening up his chest and taking a look around just from the simple question, he folded his arms across himself. "Haven't heard from him."

Liam glanced at him. "Is everything alright between you two?"

"I don't know." Harry confessed. 

Liam pursed his lips. "I worry about you, with my and Niall going away you two not speaking."

 "Because I only have two friends." Harry rolled his eyes. "Liam I'm quiet sociable when I want to be. I'll be fine."

 Liam sighed, resigned  and turned the music up again.

 

The club was packed, dark and hot and pounding music,  Liam and Harry weaved their way through the sweaty bodies to where Niall sat.

"About time!" he shouted pressing a dark drink into Liam's hand and a violent green drink into Harry's.

"Really?" Harry asked with a laugh sipping the drink nonetheless.

 Niall shrugged. "You like that fruity shit." 

Harry drained the glass. "Thanks."

"Has anybody heard from Lou?" Niall was asking Liam when Harry  returned from the bar hands full of shots. "I can text him?"  
"Don't bother." Harry shouted, passing out the shots. "He's not coming."

 "Harry-" Liam started, Harry shook his head and tossed back a shot, shivering at the burn.

 Harry cut him off. "No, Liam, tonight is fun, now dance with me."

Liam sighed and allowed himself to be drug out onto the floor while Niall cackled.  

 

Harry was pleasantly buzzed on his return from the toilet, sidestepping a group of girls that were discussing who had the best chance  flirting with him. Returning to the table Harry found two new bodies, one slung an arm around his shoulders as soon as he stepped close.

 "Told you I'd make it." Louis muttered in his ear, squeezing him. 

Harry stiffened and  nodded, Louis hand slipping off his shoulder, a lump lodged in his throat.

 "Lou was introducing us to Collin." Liam said, catching Harry's eye.

"We've already met." Harry gave him a nod, drinking whatever Niall pressed into his hand in one long draft. 

The more Harry learned about Collin the less he wanted to be there, the stronger a drink he wanted, learning he was a year older than Louis and studying to be a Paleontologist although his current classes were a bore, made Harry's stomach jump and twist, that his parents were artists made Harry heart burn.

"Why are you studying it then?" Harry snapped finally as Collin whined about one of his teachers.

Collin looked at him as if he'd just noticed him. "Sometime you've got to just grin and bear it you know?"

 Harry's jaw twitched, everyone at the table watched him, Liam somewhat apprehensively, Louis blinked at him blankly a hand coming up to rub his back soothingly, of course Louis noticed he was tense, he jumped at the contact and tossed back the rest of his drink.

"I'm going to go, headache."

"You want me to drive you?" Liam jumped immediately and followed him out of ear shot of the others.

Harry shook his head and held out his hands for the keys. "No, I'll get a cab and so should you." Liam nodded and dropped the keys into Harry's palm.

"You want me to come with? I'll leave with you." 

"No." Harry repeated, giving him a hug. "Have fun, I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

Liam nodded, his eyes searching Harry's face one last time, Harry managed a smile and ruffled his hair before making his way out to the sidewalk.

 

His mother was on the couch watching a movie she paused it seeing Harry coming through the door.

"I wasn't expecting you until much later, love." she said patting the seat next to her.

Harry shrugged sprawling next to her,kicking off his shoes, resting his head on her shoulder. "Got tired."

She hummed and stroked his hair. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."  he sighed, closing his eyes.

 "Sometimes talking makes it better?" she suggested softly.

Harry shook his head, stinging eyes shut tight. "This isn't something talking with fix."

She hummed, kissed his head and pressed play, hand still threading through his hair.

***

**Whats going on?**

**Is it bad?**

**So bad ur not answering me?**

**U ok? I can come down???**

_Nah, it'll be fine._

**R you ok tho?**

Harry sighed and slipped his phone into his pocket. Niall wasn't helping. 

".. You just have to feel it out, you know?"

 Harry blinked. "Right, yeah." he nodded, eyes darting to Louis, who watched him with thinly veiled amusement.

 "Collin, Harry's really into horticulture, tell him about your twenty year old cacti." Louis suggested  with a giggle.  

 Collin watched Louis with bright eyes, lips parted slightly.

 "What?" Louis asked around the straw from his milkshake.

 "You say cacti so beautifully." he said in amazement, a tattooed hand reaching up to cup Louis cheek and pull him in for a kiss.

  _I was wrong... MUST ABOARD_

Harry texted after they'd been at it a good few minutes.

"Well I'll just..." he trailed off awkwardly standing, Collin paused with a finger on Louis lips. 

"Just feel it man." he nodded patting Harry's hip.

Harry blinked, slipping his phone back in his pocket. "Right. Good talk...dude."

Collin gave him a thumbs up and kissed the back of his hand.

Harry shook his head slightly waving over his shoulder to Jade as he left, digging his mums car keys out of his pocket.

 "You always do this." 

Harry turned as the door closed, Louis following him out and crossing his arms. "You always bail."

 "Sorry, I'm not exactly in the mood to play third wheel while you two make out." Harry shrugged, a deep wariness settling in. 

 "Harry that's not what-"  
"It happens every time Lou, give up, I'm not going to be best friends with your boyfriend, it's not going to work." Harry sighed.

 Louis ran his hands over his face. "That's not what this was, H,  I miss hanging out with you."

 "I miss you too, hell the others miss you more  we never see you anymore, but that's exactly what this was Louis, don't try and deny it." Harry shrugged, ignoring the stinging at the back of his eyes.

 "Why can't you just try and be friends with him? You find an excuse every time."

 Harry ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "Because I shouldn't  have to! I shouldn't have to third wheel or fifth wheel every time."

 Louis crossed his arms, his blue blue blue eyes turning cold. "You're saying I have to choose between you and him?"

Harry let out a bark of laughter. "No, I would never say that.  I'm saying you need to find a balance between us and him."

 Louis sighed, shoulders slumping. "Harry-"

"No." Harry snapped. "No Lou, I'm not going to be friends with him. You need to work it out."

 Harry turned and unlocked his mothers car sliding in, Louis caught the door as he tried to close it. 

"That's not fair."

 The dam broke.

"What's not fair is not seeing my best friend for days on end, not knowing if he's okay or even fucking alive because he doesn't answer texts, only calling when you're drunk off your ass and need me to pick you up. What's not fair is him having no idea whats going on in his other friends lives, what not fair is you choosing him over us over and over again. That's what's not fair Louis."  Harry blinked, feeling a hot tear trace it's way down his cheek.

Louis looked like he'd been slapped, hand falling limply from the door. Harry swallowed and closed the door breaking eye when he'd started the engine.

Louis took a step back up onto the curb arms across his chest like he'd caught a chill his lips formed Harry's name before he drove away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it's not obvious from previous chapters I've never gotten high or smoked in my life, so I'm very sorry if this is an inaccurate portrayal haha.  
> also, this was originally going to be the last chapter but it was getting a bit too long so I've split it, now there will be one more chapter which will kind of make into a epilogue-like ending because I like tidy ends. :)
> 
> hope you enjoy :)

Harry drove home, hot tears still tracing their way down his cheeks, as he rounded the corner he noticed a familiar car in the drive way, quickly he wiped his eyes and parked.

A pretty girl with blue hair sat on the porch a  cup clutched in her hands, dimples appeared on her face as he stepped out of the car.

"What are you doing here?" Harry exclaimed racing up the walk and wrapping her in a hug.

Susan laughed, her tea spilling out on the grass as she wrapped her arms around him, tucking her face in his neck. 

"Your hair is blue, oh my god does mum know?" Harry asked finally releasing her and tugging on a lock of hair.

"I know! and no." she said with a grin. "I had a long weekend so I decided to come and see my baby brother. "she punched his shoulder. "Who went and got taller than me, honestly how is this fair it's only been like six months!"

Harry laughed pulling her in again. "I missed you." he whispered eyes filling again.

"I know baby bro, I missed you." she whispered back, pressing a kiss to his temple. "Hey, let's go get something fun so we can talk, I feel like I missed a lot."

 

"So" Susan said slipping her sunglasses down from atop her head. "What's been up with you?"

Harry held the door with one shoulder the other shrugging. "It's summer. I told you about my promotion already."

Susan rolled her eyes, leaning on the the hood of her car, licking her ice cream slowly. 

"Why were you crying?" she asked suddenly  cocking her head.

Harry leaned against the lamp post adjusting his own sunglasses. "I wasn't."

She kicked his thigh. "Liar." she sang, "Whats up with you and Louis? He's been glued to your hip since you were like seven."

Harry licked at a drip on his cone. "I don't know."

"Are you two fighting or something?"

 "Lately, that's the only time we talk anymore." Harry shrugged, he cleared his throat when the words stuck, shaking his head.

"You wanna talk about?" she asked patting the space next to her, Harry sat down on the warm metal scooting up and leaning back on the windshield legs stretched out in front of him . "Anything we talk about stays between us, okay? No mum."

 "If I talk, it'll make it real." he whispered.

Susan finished her cone and scooted up next to him, propping herself up on her elbow. "Sometimes you have to make it real to figure it out." 

Harry let out a slow breath. 

"Lou and I ...we sort of ...you know we've always been like weirdly close right? Well, we sort of ...sort of started messing around."

Susan hummed, plucking at a curl, letting it snap back. "Messing around like sleeping together?"

"Yeah, " Harry nodded, eyes shut tight, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks, he was talking about this with his _sister_ , Jesus.

"It was just fun, blow off steam. I never felt, so comfortable with anyone else, you know? Like I knew he wouldn't - I knew he'd take care of me you know and I ..sort of..fell for him."

"Oh Harry." she whispered, hand coming to cup his cheek. "How long?"

 He shook his head, ignoring the stinging behind his eyes.

" Months? A Year? I thought it would go away, I thought it would get better when he left for school, when we had distance and I could focus on other people, right? But now he's got a boyfriend and I hardly see him and now we've started fighting - we haven't talked but to fight, it's never been like this with him and I can just feel him slipping away and I miss him so much and it's not  better S, it's worse. I feel like part of my chest is missing, like I've broken every bone in my body it hurts so much." 

 He stopped swallowing, chest aching as Susan pulled him to her, leaning his head on her shoulder.

"He doesn't feel anything at all?" she asked, stroking his hair.

 Harry shook his head, pulling away from her, quickly wiping his eyes. "He doesn't know."

"Harry." she sighed.

"I didn't want to ruin things between us." he laughed bitterly. " I figured if I could have our friendship and whatever else we were ..that it would be enough."

"Oh Harry." she sighed again and slipped her sunglasses on top of her head.

"I'm stupid." he muttered laying back.

"You're not," Susan said, stoking his hair. "You're young. Do you want my advice?"

Harry shrugged. 

"Talk to him." Harry rolled his eyes. "Look at it this way, If you tell him and he doesn't feel anything for you he can make an effort and you can both move on and stay friends, and if he does feel something for you, you two can go from there."

Harry shrugged again. " I don't know if we'll be able to fix this to be honest."

Susan sighed stroking his hair. "You will, you two are too close to let it all go, now come on let's go home, we'll find a nice soppy movie and eat more ice cream."

Harry smiled and hopped off the hood. "Thanks S." 

She smiled back at him as she put on her seat belt. "I'm glad I could help."

"You're a pretty good big sister." Harry said as she backed out.

Susan laughed. "Ooh, can you write that into a letter of recommendation?"

Harry threw his head back and laughed, the tension that had been sitting on his chest melting off, he would resolve things with Louis, he always did and maybe just maybe he wouldn't lose him, Susan turned up the music and prompted Harry to sing along with her. Neither of them saw the car barreling towards them.

 

**

 

The sharp acidic smell burned Harry's nose, jolting his senses awake, his eyes opened and was immediately disoriented.

"It's okay, Harry." said an all too familiar voice at his shoulder, he looked around the striking whiteness of the room making his head spin. "Harry, honey you need to breathe."

Jane's calm face swam into view dressed in her scrubs. 

"What-" he gasped, she held him down with a hand on his shoulder, putting something down on a small table- smelling salts. She nodded at another person on Harry's other side and they left.

She brushed the hair off his face "It's okay, you're okay, honey what do you remember?"

Harry's breathe came in sharp gasps. "I don't - I."

"Sweetie," she said holding on to his shoulders firmly. "I need you to breathe or I'll have to sedate you. Breathe deep for me."

Harry took a deep shaky breathe letting it out slowly as the rest of the room came in focus and the sharp smell of antiseptic registered.

Jane nodded and smiled at him. "Good boy, now can you tell me what happened?"

Harry shook his head. "Susan and I got ice cream and we were in the car singing along to the radio and ..." he grappled but his memory was blank other than sound of tires squealing and flashing lights.

"Okay," she said pulling him to her, he rest his head on her shoulder breathing deeply, she smelled like lavender and antiseptic, a smell he'd come to feel as at  home with as his own mother's smell over the years.

"You were in a car crash, you and Susan, you've got a nasty cut on your arm that we stitched up and bumps and bruises and Susan had a head wound and a few broken ribs." 

Harry's breathing picked up and his heart raced. 

"She's getting scanned right now to make sure she doesn't have a concussion or any other damaging, okay? "

Harry nodded shakily and sat back, Jane smiled softly at him, wiping the tears from his cheeks. 

"She's going to be alright I promise. She's sedated right now but when she wakes up you can go see her."

Harry nodded again biting his lip. "Thank you." he croaked clearing his throat. " I need to call Mum-."

"I already did love, she was in a meeting but I left a message with what happened, okay?"

"Thank you so much." Harry whispered.

She kissed his forehead. "Is there anyone else you want to call?"

Harry swallowed. "If I could?"

Jane nodded producing a phone from her pocket. "Be quick. I need to step out but I'll be right back, okay?" 

Harry nodded, taking the phone, only then noticing his hands trembling, He dialed laying back on the bed, he was still in his jeans but his shirt and shoes  had been taken off, glancing down he noticed purple splotches blooming on his chest and arms.

The phone rang once, twice, three times before going to  voice mail, he hung up and tried again, his throat itching and his eyes burning. It rang once, twice three times going to voicemail again.

He hung out and tossed the phone to the foot of the bed, curling up, biting his lip hard enough to  draw blood his whole body aching as he squeezed his eyes shut. 

Jane returned a few minutes later with a warm hand rubbing his back, setting a scrub shirt on the bed, Harry assumed she noticed the number with her deep sigh  as she kissed his head again, telling him to try and get some sleep.

Harry woke a few minutes before his mother arrived, he traced the bumpy line on stitches up his arm numbly until  he heard her voice with Jane showing her in, she immediately drew Harry into her arms.

"Baby I'm so sorry, are you okay? Oh my god look at you." she rambled, tears falling down her cheeks as she stroked the bruises blooming on his face, looking over the stitches running up his arm.

"I'm okay mum." he replied clinging to her.

She smiled wetly  at him, tipping his face up and pressing a kiss to his head. "Do you want to go see Susan? She's awake."

Harry nodded, biting his lip and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, his mother put an arm around his waist and helped him steady. Jane smiled at him as she led them a short way down the hall, the hospital quiet save for the soft blip of machines and squeak of shoes. 

Susan was sitting up in her bed, eyes opening when she heard the door, she had a black eye and Harry could see stark bruising on her  shoulder. She smiled seeing him.

"Hey baby brother." she said softly, holding up the arm that wasn't attached to her IV. 

Harry carefully wrapped his good arm around her, sniffling into her shoulder. "I'm okay." she muttered softly. "It's okay, we're both okay." 

he nodded and kissed her cheek pulling back and giving her a smile, she grabbed his bad arm and tugged it to see the gash.

"Ouch." she murmured. "How many stitches?"

"Forty-two." Harry nodded.

Susan whistled lowly. "More than I fell off horse then, well done."

Harry let out a watery  chuckle while their mother sighed. 

 

Harry woke to his mother gently shaking his shoulder, his back aching where he'd been slumped over asleep in one of the chairs by Susan's bed. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he saw the last person he expected in the doorway.

"Honey your dad is going to take you home okay? You've been cleared, you just need sleep."

Harry glanced at his father, he hadn't changed much in the years since Harry'd last seen him, the wrinkles around his eyes a bit more pronounced and his hair a little grayer.

"Do I have to?" he asked just for his mother's ears.

"Yes," she confirmed softly. "You need sleep and I'm going to stay with Susan, okay sweetie?"

Harry nodded and stood, giving his father an awkward wave. "Hi."

 He gave Harry a soft smile. "Ready?" 

Harry shrugged giving his mother and Susan a quick hug and following him out to his car.  They drove in silence .

"So how have you been?" his father asked finally. "Your mum tells me your grades are good. Always knew you'd be brilliant."

Harry snorted looking out his window as the trees passed. "I do my work, I'm not near brilliant." 

 "Well that's good. You'll get into a good school, any first choices?" 

"Nope, haven't even looked." Harry answered honestly.

His father hummed. "How about a special somebody? Your mother didn't mention a girlfriend."

Harry barked out a laugh, clapping a hand over his face when his father startled.

"Mum's never going to mention a girlfriend." he laughed. "I mean they're nice and I've got a few friends but I'm so not into that."

"Oh." his father said quietly. "Well then."

Harry pressed his face against the cool glass of the window. "Yeah."

 His father cleared his throat. "Doesn't matter, you know that? Not to me, anyway." 

"Good to know." Harry said glancing  over at him.

His father squeezed his shoulder quickly before he turned into the drive and asking for Harry's keys so he could take his time getting out.

Harry let out a  slow breath, opening the car door Louis voice floated across the lawn.

 "I know you were mad at me but ignoring me for a day and half is a bit much don't you - oh my god."

Harry closed the door, grimacing, body still sore and turned to face Louis, he was dressed in (Harry's) jean shorts and a tank top, his hair ruffled, and purple moons growing under his eyes like he hadn't slept, it shouldn't have done anything but it made his eyes look even bluer.

"Harry what the hell happened?" Louis gasped reaching out for him. Harry took a step back Louis fingers just brushing him, he heard Louis breath catch.

"Don't touch me." Harry snapped, leaning against the car.

"Harry-" Louis started.

"No, Lou." Harry said, "I'm done."

"What are you talking about? What happened? Why didn't you call-"

"I did!" Harry snapped, taking a step towards Louis, softly he continued "The one time I really needed you Lou. You weren't there." 

Harry was vaguely aware of  the tears shining in his eyes, how tired he was of crying and his father stepping up behind him.

"I think you should go, Louis." he said wrapping an arm around Harry's shoulders.

"It's too late for you to act like you give a damn about him." Louis snapped, eyes never leaving Harry, his blue blue blue eyes asking too many questions, almost begging for answers.

Harry looked away, shaking off his fathers hand.

"Go home Lou." He said softly, turning away before he could see Louis breath catch and his eyes to crumple.

"Harry.." he begged softly, brushing Harry's elbow with just the tips of his fingers.

Half of Harry was screaming to let Louis come over, let him coddle him to forgive him. The other burned with rage at his actions, how he handled everything the past few weeks.

Harry leaned against the hall doorway to the sitting room, his chest burning inadvertently remembering the things he and Louis had done here when they got the house empty while his father followed him in and closed the door.

"You okay?" he asked, hand coming to rest on his shoulder. "You two were the best of friends."

"I guess." Harry cleared his throat. "I guess we grew up. I'm  going to  go sleep, you can leave whenever, lock the door behind you."

"You sure?" his father asked.

Harry nodded already heading towards his bedroom.

*

It was dark when Harry woke with a gasp, his dreams filled with choppy memories of shattering glass and ambulance rides, he ran a shaking hand through his hair swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and  padding down stairs.

The back door opened as Harry finished making his tea.

"When I said go home I didn't mean come back later." Harry said hollowly, leaning against the counter.

"I saw the light and wanted to check on you." Louis muttered, closing the door softly.

He stood in front of Harry, enough space for another person between them. 

"How are you?" he asked sounding helpless.

Harry blinked at him, sipping his tea.

 "You know." he said finally. " I thought it would be easier this way, like you pulling away before leaving? "

Harry shook his head. "But it's not, it fucking hurts Lou. Like did you even care at all?"

Louis took a step back, bumping into the table. "What the fuck, Harry."

"You can't blame me for asking." Harry had no idea where the fuel for this rage came from, how the harsh words fell from his lips.

Louis stared at him, jaw slack. "What are you talking about?" 

Harry shrugged, finishing his tea. 

"Harry." Louis snapped. "What do you mean?"

"What I mean." Harry whirled around. "Is I don't know what you're looking for but you sure as hell aren't going to find it this way, dropping your friends for a guy who doesn't even care about you."

"What if I don't know what I'm looking for?" Louis asked harshly, baiting.

Harry shook his head, "Maybe you should look somewhere else then." 

"Where?" Louis asked spreading his arms. "Please enlighten me."

Harry took a shuttering breath. "Maybe somewhere you can find someone who's known you for years,  someone who knows your darkest secrets, someone who's been there for you for every damned thing.

Someone who can order your favorite just by your mood, someone who knows all the words to your favorite movies for no reason other than knowing you love them. Someone you trust with your everything, someone who gave you what can only be given once.

Someone who gave you everything they can never take back, someone who trusts you with their life. Someone who genuinely loves you with every fiber of their being, someone who's your best friend."

Harry shook, as his chest heaved, he felt sick and invigorated at the same time, he never meant to say all of that, the disbelieving  look on Louis face and his wide eyes gave Harry a cold shiver down his spine. 

He wanted nothing more than to touch Louis, to feel his heart beat. He turned away, wiping at his eyes, sick of the tears.

"Harry." it was less than a whisper, he sounded soft and light and broken.

Harry wanted to turn and see his face instead he folded his arms across his body.

"Go home Lou."

**

Louis stayed away until Susan came home from the  hospital her professors giving her time to heal. Harry heard the front door open and Susan talking to Louis he wandered over, leaning against the doorway to the sitting room, hands in his pockets watching them talk. 

Susan watched him over Louis shoulder. "Hey H." She said finally drawing attention to him.

Louis turned around eyes nervously finding Harry's the circles under his eyes were darker, his blue blue blue eyes weary.

"Hey." 

"Hi." Harry replied softly.

"Well," Susan said loudly. "I suddenly feel like a cup of home made cocoa that will take me ages to make." she hummed and made her way to the kitchen.

Louis took a step towards  him. "How are you? Your arm?"

Harry shrugged. "Alright. How are you?" 

it felt strange to exchanging pleasantries with Louis, too formal for what they were, but Harry felt the delicate edge they balanced on.

"Could we talk?" Louis asked, flicking his hair out of his face, it was soft and un-styled  parted to the side, sweeping across his face, Harry's favorite way for him to wear it.

Harry shrugged and walked to his bedroom and leaned against his desk, Louis trailed behind closing the door softly and standing in front of Harry.

Harry watched his throat bob as he swallowed and his fingers twist in the hem of his shirt.

"First I'm so sorry Harry, for what I put you through, for not being there for you when you needed me. I'm a shit friend - hell I'm a shit person.

That night, I didn't ignore you I didn't have my phone on and was walking because I ended it with Collin. What you said the other night about looking for something? You were right, I didn't even realize I was looking for something and the more I was with Collin and knowing we were fighting I realized I was and he didn't have what ever it was I was looking for. 

Then you didn't come home or answer my calls." Louis paused shaking his head looking at his shoes. "And you come home bruised and bandaged and you wanted nothing to do with me and everything you said the other day."

he stopped, eyes lifting to meet Harry's, blue blue blue eyes shining with tears. Harry watched him impassively.

"You've always been there Haz and I've always cared about you, always and I didn't realize- I didn't realize I had what I was looking for - everything I didn't know I was looking for.

Because I was too stupid to realize what you mean to me until now, until I'd lost it, I lost you."

Louis bit his lip and looked down. 

"If you believe anything, please just believe that I'm sorry for hurting you."

"I believe you." Harry said softly, the words almost lost in the air between them. Louis looked up, his eyes bright. "But I'm not ready to forgive you just yet."

Louis nodded quickly. "Of course."

Harry gave him a small nod and the corners of Louis mouth lifted as he reached for the door, his hand brushing against Harry's arm, eyes jumping up to meet Harry's before he left  leaving the door open behind him.

**

Harry lay on the couch watching reruns of Cupcake Wars, half asleep after weeks of restless nights, he startled at the knock on the door, sounding loudly through the quiet house, Susan out catching up with old friends.

With a sigh Harry heaved himself off the couch and shuffled over to the door, resisting the urge to scratch at his stitches. Opening the door he found Louis on the porch, fully dressed fingers twisting his keys. Harry squinted at him.

"Why did you knock?"

Louis shrugged, "I figured since we were off it'd be the right thing."

"Don't do that again." Harry said, leaning against the door.  "What's up?"

Louis ran a hand through his hair. "Mum said something about you needing your stitches out today and I didn't know how you felt about driving yet so I figured I'd offer a ride." 

"Oh yeah I completely forgot about that. Yeah a ride would be great just let me get my shoes."

Louis smiled and followed him in leaning against the back of the couch as Harry scurried around collecting his dishes and setting them in the sink and turning off the show,  before finally slipping into his shoes.

 "Ready?" Louis asked.

"Thanks." Harry said as they climbed into the car.

Louis looked out the back window as he backed up. "No problem."

 

They were quiet, talking only to comment on the radio.

"What have you been up to?" Harry asked, he and Louis had begun texting here and there, talking about nonsense things.

 Louis shrugged. "Work, hanging out with mum, talking to Li and Niall a lot. Oh and I've been sending in applications to schools."

 "Really? That's great."  Harry said turning to watch him drive.

Louis shrugged again. "Had to do it sometime. "

Louis parked in the hospital guest parking  and followed Harry in, stopping to talk to a nurse his mother knew, Harry paused, the wave of antiseptic making his stomach roll. Taking a breathe he kept walking to the empty front desk, he bit his lip as he waited, glancing at Louis who glanced at him at the same time giving him a small smile.

"Hi, can I help you?" a young brunette man asked as he stuck a pen in the pocket of his short white coat. 

 "Um, yeah, I need to get my stitches out?" Harry said lifting his arm. "But I don't know where to go?"

 The man smile and slipped around behind the desk, tapping on the keyboard of the computer. "Name?" 

"Harry Styles?" 

"Is it a question?" the man flashed a smile with too many teeth at Harry. "Ah, here you are." he reached into a filing cabinet and pulled out a folder.  

 "If you'll follow me I'll take care of you."

Harry glanced over at Louis again, seeming engrossed in his conversation before following the man to a line of curtains.

"So you home for the summer?" he asked gesturing for Harry to sit as he pulled on gloves.

"Well I kind of  haven't graduated yet so..yeah?" Harry said with a small laugh.

"Oh!" the man said turning a light to shine on Harry's arm. "I thought you were away at school, you've got the air about you."

Harry laughed as he poked at the stitches.  "Nope, not yet next year I will be."

"Oh that's fun. Excited?" he pulled out a pair of scissors and started snipping at the stitches.

"I guess, I dunno yet, kind of, I mean I have to figure out my life."

"It is scary." the man laughed. "But you've got a year or so, just find something your passionate about."

"Thanks." Harry said.

The man chuckled still snipping away. "This is going to be weird but what is your arm work out? Your biceps are insane."

Harry laughed biting his lip to stay still. "I don't have one I mainly run." 

"Do you like run on your hands or something?"

Harry shook his head giggling. "No I swear I don't."

The man snipped the last stitch and looked over Harry's scar, thick and pink down his arm. "You have to be lying then."

"I'm not I swear." Harry promised as the man stripped off his gloves  and clicked a pen scribbling something in the file.

He  laughed. "Sure sure, okay you're done!"

He stood and motioned for Harry to follow, pushing back the curtain and walking back into the hall.

"Well I still don't believe you, if you ever feel like telling the truth." he fished in his pocket pulling out a card. "Call me? I love working out or as you insist mainly running."

Harry laughed and looked down, comparing his shoes to the man's shiny polished ones.

 "Alright." he said taking the card knowing he had  no desire to ever call him.

Suddenly a warm hand was on Harry's lower back, almost too low.

"There you are." Louis said. "All taken care of?" he did a once over on the man, stepping closer to Harry.

Harry stopped himself from rolling his eyes. "Yeah." 

"Think about it." the man said looking over Louis before turning away.

Louis hand curled around Harry's hip, pulling him against him.

 "Might as well dropped to his knees there, honestly." Louis muttered as they walked.

"You're impossible." Harry said once they were in the parking lot, Louis dropping his hand, Harry missed the warmth.

"What do you mean?" Louis asked clicking the button to find the car. 

Harry rolled his eyes. "You have no place being jealous ."

"I'm not jealous." Louis snapped. 

Harry looked at him over the roof of the car, door open half inside. "You are a shit liar."

Harry slammed the door closed.

"You're right. I'm sorry." Louis said climbing in and starting the engine.

"You're not I know it but whatever." Harry said turning up the radio.

After a while Louis turned down the radio. "Mum has me going a few places for her today, do you want to come?"

Harry bit his lip staring out the window. "Actually could you drop me off? I'm really tired."

"Yeah, of course, no problem." Louis said, Harry didn't miss the disappointment in his voice.

**

A few nights later Harry woke with a gasp, heart racing cold sweat making his shiver he  ripped  out his earbuds and throwing them towards the foot of the bed, the song reminding him of screeching tires and shattering glass. He lay back wiping a hand across his sweaty tear stained face and glanced at the clock  and groaned this was the third time he'd woken tonight. He though music would help.

He rolled over, facing the window, looking across the short distance to Louis house he noticed his light on, Harry bit his lip before throwing off his sheet and climbing out the window, he didn't need the gnome under his window anymore.

He vaguely worried Louis had locked his window as he tried it pushing up gently as he'd done so many times before, he slipped in easily. Louis was laying on his side away from the window Harry bit his lip and turned back to the window, pushing it closed slowly accidentally  knocking over something on Louis desk making it fall to the floor with a clatter.

"What's -" he blinked sitting up, rubbing at his eyes.

"Oh, " Harry startled. "I didn't know you were asleep, I'll-" He made to open the window again, fully intending to flee back to his room. A hand on his wrist stopped him.

"It's fine, what's up? Have you been crying?" Louis asked, thumb rubbing across his his cheek.

"Nothing" Harry said, "I'll go."

"Haz, please." Louis plead. "Talk to me."

Harry caught his eye for a moment and looked away, Louis thumb rubbed circles on Harry's wrist.

"I can't sleep." he admitted finally. "Every time I close my eyes I'm back at the accident."

"Oh, Haz." Louis breathed pulling him over to the bed, Harry hesitated before sinking down next to Louis. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Harry shrugged.

"Do you want to talk?"

Harry shook his head. "I just want to sleep. I don't know why I'm here."

Louis glanced around the room before focusing on Harry. "Stay here."

"Lou-"

"I don't sleep deeply, you know that, if you start to have a nightmare I'll wake you up."

Harry nodded, lip wedged between his teeth, it wasn't like he'd never shared a bed with Louis, they'd been doing it since he was about eight. But that was before they'd ever  fought, before Harry'd said everything, before he stopped knowing where they stood.

Louis stood and turned off his light while Harry crawled under the sheets, hand tucked under his head.   
Louis crawled in next to him, it was a tight fit, neither one willing to breach the space between them.  
"I still haven't forgiven you." Harry said softly, searching for Louis eyes.

There was a flash of white teeth as Louis smiled. "I know." he whispered back. "I am sorry."

Harry closed his eyes breathing out slowly. "I know."

he slipped his hand out from under his head and shifted it until it brushed along the side of Louis hand, resting on the pillow, slowly Louis' hand came to rest on the palm of his, slowly entwining their hands.

Harry smiled softly, before sleep overtook him.

 

**

 

"Be sure to lock up before bed."  
"Yes mum."  
"And make sure to buy milk."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yes mum, this isn't the first time you've left me alone for the weekend you know."

"I know." she sighed, brushing his hair off his face. "I still worry."

Harry smiled, wrapping her in  a hug. "I love you, I'll be fine I promise."

She sighed again and kissed his cheek, he made sure her bag was in the back seat, kissing her cheek and waving as she pulled out.

Louis came out of his house and waved as he walked to the mailbox. Harry wandered over to the line of flowers dividing their properties.

"Hey." Louis said, picking his way around the various things his sisters had "planted" in the yard.

"Hey." Harry echoed, pulling a stray weed.

"Where'd your mum go?"

"Work thing for the weekend."  
Louis hummed going through the mail, sticking a few in his back pocket. "What are you up to?"

Harry shrugged, scratching at the scar on his arm, it was nearly healed, just a thin line  now. "Was going to order pizza and watch a movie, want to join?"

"Do you really want me to?" Louis asked raising his eyebrows. "You don't seem to want me around very much."

Harry rolled his eyes. "It's not that I don't want you around it's that I don't know know where we stand, we'll get to sort of being normal and you start acting weird again."

"I don't know how I'm supposed to act Harry. I don't know how you feel, you don't talk to me."

"I don't know how to feel" Harry cried, rubbing at his face. "We're never going to get past this if we keep walking on eggshells with each other. Pizza and movie are the two most normal things we do."

Louis nodded weighing his words. "You're right, just let me turn off lights and I'll come over."

Harry nodded and watched as Louis jogged back to his house.

*

They finished the extra large pizza  sprawled across the couch as the credits rolled. It had been one of their regular movies both making the customary comments throughout making each other laugh. A simple, normal evening for them.

Harry was more relaxed then he'd felt in weeks.

"Hey." Louis nudged him with his bare foot.

Harry absently grabbed his ankle and tugged, making Louis chuckle. Harry looked over and found Louis smiling at him, eyes soft.

"Look what I've got." he said digging in his pocket, and pulling out a joint.  
"Shit." Harry muttered. It had been ages since he last got high, even longer since he'd gotten high with Louis. "If mum smells it in the house she will actually kill me."

"We can go by the window. Do you want to?" Louis asked rolling it between his fingers, eye brows raised.

A few minutes later Harry was sat on the window seat, knees touching Louis as they leaned out the window blowing smoke.

"Remember the first time we did this?" Louis asked leaning back against the window sill.

Harry snorted. "We made out on your bedroom floor, how can I?"

Louis laughed, passing the joint to Harry. 

"You know why I kissed you?"

"Felt sorry for me?" Harry asked eyes closed, Louis nudged his knee taking back the joint.

"Nope, I'd wanted to kiss you for months but didn't have an excuse." he blew smoke out the window.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked slowly.

Louis handed the joint back. "The more I think about it the more I realize my feelings for you were there the whole time. I just ignored them. "

"Why didn't you say anything?" Harry mused.

"Why didn't you?" Louis shot back, eyebrows raised.

Harry looked out the window, the sky was clouding over, rain was in the air. "I didn't think you'd feel the same."

"Now we know." Louis shrugged stubbing out the end of the joint and propping his elbow up on his knee watching with Harry as rain started to fall.

Harry glanced at Louis and found him watching him. 

"I am sorry." Louis said catching his eye. "Above anything else you're my best friend and I shouldn't have ever treated you like I did."

 "I wasn't so nice either." Harry weighed.

Louis smiled, ducking his head. "You had reason. I was just a jerk."

Harry hummed.

"I almost forgive you." he whispered. 

"Almost?" Louis asked voice as low. 

"Yeah, almost." Harry whispered pressing his lips to Louis, the angle was awkward and their lips are dry from the smoke but Louis hand comes up to cradle Harry's face nonetheless .

"Harry." Louis breathes lips  just brushing Harry's.

"Shut up." Harry replied kissing him again.

Louis hand slipped into his hair deepening the kiss, pulling Harry closer until he straddled him, legs wrapped around his waist leaning down into the kiss, Harry's hands cupped Louis face, stroking his cheekbones before slipping into his hair.

The wind shifted and rain splattered against their sides, they broke apart with a gasp, lips red. Harry clambered off Louis lap quickly and went to the kitchen.

"Haz." Louis said swinging his legs to the floor following him.

Harry was at the sink he  held up a hand. "I shouldn't have done that."

"But you did." Louis shrugged leaning against the door, "I didn't stop you."  
"Not the point." Harry hissed.

"It kind of is." Louis said walking towards him, he leaned against the fridge. 

Harry rubbed the back of his neck, thoughts muddled. "Lou.. I don't know. I look at you and I'm so confused."

"What do you want?" Louis asked stepping closer. "First response: What do you want? Do you want me? Do you want me to walk out that door and stay away so we can sort things? Do you want to go back to the way things were?"

"I don't know!" Harry said exasperated.

"You do." Louis replied softly, cupping his face. "You know what you want, just like I know what I want."

"What do you want?" Harry whispered.

Louis brushed his thumb across his cheek, meeting Harry's eye. "I want you, but only if you wholeheartedly want me."

Harry looked away. "I don't know."

Louis nodded once and dropped his hands from Harry's face stepping away. "I'll let you sort it out, okay? No pressure."

Louis looked at him his blue blue blue eyes sad but sure, he gave him a soft smile and walked away, leaving Harry staring at the wall.

Harry heard the sound of the door snap closed and he sank into a chair, laying his head down on the table.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Tis the end, thank you for the kudos, comments and hits they mean a lot. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it. :D
> 
> Once again I don't know anyone these characters are based off of and this is purely fiction. 
> 
> enjoy! :)

Harry lay  in the back yard sprawled over a towel the sun beating down on him.

The owners of the bakery had sent him home early so he 'could enjoy his summer' so naturally he lay down in the back yard and let his thoughts wander to Louis, it had been three days and he'd heard nothing from him and Harry had made little headway with his feelings.

A shadow fell over Harry, squinting up at the figure set aglow with an ethereal aura. 

"Hey." Louis said, nudging Harry's foot.

Harry propped himself up on his elbows. "Hey." 

Louis brushed at his hair. "Let's go somewhere." 

"Where?" 

Louis shrugged. "Let's just drive."

Harry blinked at him a moment.  "Okay." 

he clamored to his feet and Louis gave him a small smile.

"Meet you in the car."

Twenty minutes later  they were on the road, windows down warm air making their skin sticky, music blasting.

Once they pulled out on to the freeway Louis turned down the music to a soft hum above the rush of wind.  

"Did I tell you I heard back from one of the schools?" he asked.

Harry had his head tilted back facing the window.

"Did you?" he asked pulling a scarf from his back pocket to tame his hair. "What did they say?"

"I got in."

Harry smiled, despite his stomach rolling. "That's great Lou. When do you leave?"

Louis smiled. "I talked to them and they're happy to let me retake the final exam and use that score if I want but let me take a few classes until then and count toward my record."

Harry frowned and was quiet. "You're not doing that like, for me or anything are you?" 

"Partially." Louis said, Harry opened his mouth to protest. "But partially for mum and the girls and partially for me, dad's leaving soon and I don't want to feel like I'm abandoning them. I'll be there two days a week for class and I'll be home the rest of the time, by the end of the year Lizzy will be old enough to watch the younger ones and help mum more."

Harry nodded. "That sounds...good, really good actually."

"Thanks good to know I'm good for something." Louis laughed.

"I'm really happy for you Lou." Harry said softly the words almost getting swept away by the wind.

Louis stole a glace at him with a soft smile, reaching out and squeezing his knee, leaving heat where he'd touched.

Harry changed the subject to the latest movie, setting off a rant from Louis, that Harry happily joined in on. Cursing the entire plot.

After a  while Harry bit his lip. "You remember earlier this year when we talked about getting a place together for school?"  
Louis nodded immediately.  "Yeah, course I do. We were waiting to see if you,  Li and Nialler got in the same place or we could find somewhere in-between  so we could all share and like, afford it right?" 

Harry smiled. "Yeah, I mean assuming I get in somewhere close. Do you like, still want to do that? My dad said he'd help if I want him to."

"You want help from your dad?" Louis asked both eyebrows raising eyes staying on the road.

"Not really." Harry sighed, playing with a loose string on his shirt. "But I dunno, It's better with him then I thought it would be."

Louis hummed. "It's up to you. But yeah I definitely still want a place with you, if you want."

"Yeah?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, I mean I didn't think about it because we've kind of done a loop lately."

"Yeah, we have." Harry said quietly turning to face the window, hearing Louis sigh.

*

Sometime during the drive Harry nodded off, siding down in his seat to rest on Louis shoulder, he woke to Louis shaking his shoulder.

"Babe, I'm sorry but I really have to pee."

Harry sat up rubbing his eyes. "Yeah, sorry sorry." 

 While Louis ran into the gas station Harry looked around, the light woods and the crisp scent in the air was familiar.

"Are we near the beach?" Harry asked when Louis returned handing him a water and a candy bar.

Louis nodded, strapping on his seat belt with a candy bar between his teeth. "Yeah, about half an hour I didn't notice until we were so close, I can turn around if you want?"

"No." Harry said sipping his water. "We haven't been in ages."

"Wasn't it right when I got my licence?" Louis asked pulling back onto the road.

Harry smiled at the memory. "Yeah and we had to call for help when the car broke down on the way back."

Louis shuttered and laughed, eyes crinkling. "Our mums were so pissed, that was one of the few times your mum actually scared me. She was so quiet I thought she was going to explode."

Harry laughed, turning in his seat to face Louis. "It's when she's quiet you have to worry." 

Louis glanced at him. "We've had a lot of adventures, haven't we?" 

"What do you mean _had_? You plan on ditching me Tomlinson?"

Louis tried to bite back a smile, looking over at Harry. "Never."

 *

They arrived in time for the sunset, pulling in to one of the last empty spaces. Dark clouds loomed behind them as the sun dipped into the water, painting the sky vivid warm colors. 

They sat in silence hands barely touching, vaguely noticing people packing up and leaving, until only a few people stood recording the sun sinking lower with their cameras or walking hand in hand. The lower the sun got the closer the dark clouds came surrounding them blocking out the stars before they appeared. 

The water swallowed the sun and the rain started as if it had been waiting for it, pouring down while lighting crackling across the sky, Harry glanced over at Louis to see him pulling off his shoes, tossing them into the backseat.

"Well come on then." he said with a grin opening the door and running down to the water.

Harry swore struggling out of his worn shoes tossing them in the back and opening the door, immediately getting soaked with icy rain. He swore into the wind and ran after Louis who had made it down to the water and was knee deep laughing as Harry struggled in the wet sand. 

"You do know how dangerous this is, right?" Harry shouted staying at the edge of the waves throwing a handful of wet sand at Louis. "We could be struck by lighting and die."

"If I got struck by lighting right now, I'd  being dying happy." Louis shouted wading towards Harry.

Harry wiped his wet hair out of is face and raised his eyebrows. "Please explain." 

Louis was only a few steps away from him. "I'm with my best friend on earth, he almost forgives me for my shitty behavior and  he knows how I feel about him regardless if I've got him or not, what more do I need?"

Louis stopped right in front of Harry, looking at him through wet eyelashes, hair plastered to his face as lighting flashed across the sky.

Harry entwined their hands. "You had me at hi." 

 "I'm in love with you." Louis whispered chest heaving, blue blue blue eyes boring into Harry's .

Harry kissed him. 

He kissed him letting go of his hands in favor of pulling him close, tilting his head down as Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's neck, leaning into Harry, bodies touching chasing away the deep chill the rain had set in. He kissed him hoping to to convey what he couldn't bring to words, the comfort he felt with him, what Louis meant to him, everything.

Lighting cracked across the sky, thunder booming startling them apart. Harry buried his face in Louis neck as they laughed, entwining their hands again.

"We should get back to the car, before we actually die." Louis muttered in his ear.

Harry laughed and they made their way back to the car, by silent decision they climbed into the back of the car, the seats already folded down. They lay back next to each other panting from the run. [  
](https://www.google.com/search?sa=G&q=define+decision&ved=0CCYQ_SowAGoVChMI_vDzjrbrxgIVjw-SCh0CQQI8)

"I'm soaked." Harry laughed, stripping off his shirt and wringing it out the back. Louis laughed shaking his head like a dog, sitting on the edge with him, hand automatically coming to rest on his hip.

"Did you mean it?" Harry asked, hating the insecurity in his voice, shaking out his shirt.

Louis caught him, and cupped a hand to his cheek, leaning in.

"I'm in love with you." he whispered, forehead against Harry's  lips just  brushing. "So so in love with you, I'm so sorry it took me so long."

Harry caught him in a deep kiss, slowly laying back in the car until they were tangled together, Harry tugging at Louis shirt. 

"I'm so in love with you too." he whispered almost going cross eyed from how close they were.

Louis smiled and pulled him into another kiss.

*

Harry woke alone, blinking up at the roof of the car,  a scratchy beach blanket tossed across his hips, he rolled over remembering the events of the night, the dull ache in his lower body that he loved. The memories of whispered promises and _'I love you'_ s, he smiled despite himself tucking it into his elbow as he reached for his still damp clothes. struggling into them.

keys jangled and the driver door opened, a travel case and a bag followed by Louis, he glance in the back at Harry.

"Hey, you're up." he said softly coming to sit across from him.

"Yeah." Harry replied tugging his shirt over his head and sitting up.

"There's a coffee shop around the corner, I went and got breakfast." Louis explained handing Harry a cup. "Two creams  one sugar."

Harry hid his smile in the lip of the cup.

"Thanks." he murmured as Louis handed him a banana-nut muffin. 

"We should talk." Louis said as they ate.

Harry shrugged, leaning back.

Louis sipped his cup, brushing dust of his hands. "I meant everything I said last night." he started.

"Even during sex?" Harry asked with a smirk.

"Definitely during sex." Louis laughed.

They fell silent.

Harry swallowed, halfway through his muffin, choosing the right words. "Did you ever love the others you were with?" 

Louis looked away. "No, I mean I felt for them but...no, not like you."

"I'm just worried I'll be a one off and we'll be worse off than we were." Harry shrugged helplessly.

Louis scooted closer, knees brushing Harry's. "That won't happen."

"I can't just be your fuck buddy again." Harry said with a weak laugh.

Louis bit his lip taking a deep breath.

" Honestly H, when we kiss I feel like I could explode, when you smile it makes my head spin. When I make you laugh it's like my stomach learned to backflip. Every touch feels like a bolt of lighting. I'll never forget that night at the party, the first time I learned everything about your body, it was like everything was super charged. Everything is - always has been- so much  _more_  with you Harry, everything.

Every time I look at you it's like I'm falling for you all over again. It's so much and so fast and it makes me breathless and dizzy like your my only anchor to the world, with out you I'd be drifting, weightless.

I've never felt like this before, and I've felt it for a long time without realizing it, you're there when I'm weak,  you- you're my best friend and I'm so so in love with you."

Harry looked down, biting back his smile, hand inching towards Louis resting on his knees.

"I'm in love with you." he whispered just because.

"I want everything with you." Louis said leaning forward until their foreheads touched. 

"Okay. " Harry whispered bringing their lips together.

**

They arrived home late in the day, Louis' front door immediately opening spilling out their mothers.

"Shit." Louis muttered as the crossed their arms in front of the car.

"Hi mum." Harry said climbing out of the car giving Louis one last look.

His mother frowned at him. "No note? No texts?"

"Car gone? You could have died and we'd have been none the wiser. Louis how could you be so irresponsible?" Louis mother chimed in.

 "Mum." Louis whined. "It wasn't like that, we wanted a drive."

"Accidentally  ending up at the shore and it started raining." Harry added stepping closer to Louis while his mother raised her eyebrows.

"You wouldn't have wanted us to drive in the pouring rain, so we slept in the back and here we are." Louis finished with a shrug.

Their mothers glanced at each other rolling their eyes.

"Well I'm glad you two worked out whatever was going on between you."

"Next time give us a heads up, alright?" Harry's mother finished, pressing a kiss to Harry's cheek. 

Louis mother clapped her hands. "But in the meantime you, young man get to drive me around and help me shop for the rest of the day as punishment."

"But Mum." Louis whined with a smile while she ruffled his hair and went to get her purse.

 Louis linked pinkies with Harry. "Can I come over later?" 

Harry laughed into his shoulder. "Definitely."

Louis smirked and pecked his lips before jumping into the car.

Harry's mother stood at the front door, leaning against the door frame a soft smile on her face. "I'm very glad it worked out love."

Harry ducked his head biting back his smile. "Me too."

**

"I'll only be gone two days H, it'll be good for us anyway." Louis said logically, stroking a hand up and down Harry's chest. They were in Harry's bed, the night before Louis drove up for orientation, the moon light spilling over them as they lay tangled together, Louis against Harry's back arms wrapped around his chest.

"It's the night that's got me caught." Harry muttered, rubbing his cheek against the pillow.

"That's what's bothering you?" Louis asked softly. "Babe maybe you should talk to someone."

Harry was shaking his head before the words left Louis mouth.

"No, I'm fine."  
"Harry it's been months since the accident and you still wake up shaking-"  
Harry turned over in Louis arms. "Please, I don't want to fight."

Louis pursed his lips. "I just want you okay." 

Harry kissed him. "I am. Promise."

 

Harry was dreading sleep. He sat on the couch watching mindless television, his mother bidding him goodnight with a slight frown as he nodded off.

Finally he drug himself to bed, stripping down and crawling under the sheets fishing his phone out of his jeans.

**Call me when ur going to sleep! xx**

 Louis had texted over two hours ago, Harry frowned as another text came through.

**Hazzzzzzzzz I 've gotta get up come on, I know ur still awake**

rolling his eyes he dialed Louis tucking the phone against the pillow.

"Finally." Louis said picking up, he sounded tinny and muffled.

"If you've got an early day why did you want me to call you?" 

Louis sighed on the line. "Because I know you're having trouble sleeping, so I thought maybe if we had a chat until you fell asleep it would help?"

Harry pressed his smile into the pillow. "Okay." he resigned, settling in. "Tell me about the campus."

He could hear the smile in Louis voice. "Well the dorm room I'm in smells like sweaty socks." 

Harry laughed, the tension draining out of his body. 

"The campus itself is really pretty actually. Lots of ivy and trees."

Harry hummed, eyes drifting shut.

"The kid I'm rooming with reminds me of Luna Lovegood."

"Really?" Harry muttered.

"Yeah," Louis continued softly. "Complete with the whole not blinking thing she did and cat litter - except it's on the window sill, I dunno about in his bag."

 

Harry woke the next morning with his phone stabbing in him the side. He picked it up turning it over blinking awake as he peered at the screen, still recording the time of the call. Harry put it up to his ear, sure Louis would have hung up once realizing he was asleep instead he heard a soft breathing.

"Hello?" he asked timidly.

Someone grumbled on the other end. "Five more minutes."

Harry bit his cheek to keep from laughing. "Lou." he sang softly. "You're going to be late."

"Fuck." Louis groaned. "I'm up. How are you love?"

"Did you stay on the line with me all night?" Harry asked.

Louis coughed. "Maybe."

"You didn't have to."

"Maybe I liked the way to sound when you sleep."

Harry laughed. "What does that even mean?"  

He heard Louis sigh and the crumple of sheets. "You make these little puffing sounds when you breathe and sometimes you'll hum."

Harry blushed. "Anyway," he drug out the word around Louis giggles. "Are you excited?"

"Kinda nervous." Louis muttered along with the sound of a door snapping shut. "Theoretically it's just school but it's like so like grown up, I don't know I'm still asleep."

"You'll do okay Lou." Harry promised tugging on a shirt.

"Thanks love, I've got to go, But I'll call you later?" Harry could hear the smile in his voice as he agreed and hung up.

Rounding the corner he found his mother slipping in the front door, he stopped and crossed his arms, leaning against the wall while she kicked off her shoes.

"Oh, Harry, you're um, you're up early." she said rubbing the back of her neck, a slight blush crawling up her neck.

"You're out late." Harry smirked. "What happened to that business meeting?"

She squared her shoulders. "It was business." She argued. "It was  just  _personal_  business."

Harry held up his hands." Wait you were gone all night on personal business. TMI mum."

Harry shook his head and stumbled to the kitchen.

"Oh you." she laughed following him. "I could say the same about Louis ."

Harry squinted it at her. "Do you really want to talk about sex this early in the morning? 'Cause I really don't."

"Oh thank goodness. " she said dropping into a chair while Harry turned on the coffee pot.

"You _are_ alright with me dating?"

Harry scoffed. "Yeah of course, I'd like to meet him though, know his address and  know the kind of car he drives in the event I need to destroy it, that sort of thing."

His mother laughed. "I'll bring him around sometime, I just - I like him and I wanted to make sure we were on the same page before I got you involved, you understand?"

Harry nodded and hugged her. "I'm really happy you're happy mum."

She pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "Thank you baby."

**

"Wait she has like a boyfriend?" Louis asked loudly as they entered the diner.

Harry nodded. "Like a proper one."

"Wow." Louis sighed stretching, still stiff  from the long drive, Harry slipped an arm around his waist and led him to a booth. He hummed and tucked himself under Harry's arm, head resting on Harry's shoulder, eyes closed.

"Are you okay with it? It has to be weird."  
Harry sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. "It is weird but like it's also comforting? Like leaving next year I was worrying about her being alone but it's weird she's like doing ...stuff but like I'm not so worried about her being alone, does that make sense?"  
Louis rubbed his cheek against Harry's shoulder. "It does, Though I seriously doubt your mum would ever get lonely, mum and the girls will be over there all the time."

"Yeah, I just worry about her."

"I love you." Louis murmured into Harry's shoulder arm slipping around his waist and tucking in deeper.

"Because I love my mum?" Harry asked with a laugh.

Louis smiled softly. "Because you're you."

Harry hummed as Jade came over with a stack of menus.

"Just two?" she smirked looking between them.

"Yes, just two Jade darling,  I thought you hated me?" Louis asked raising his eyebrows at her.

She rolled her eyes with a large grin, "Well since we can't get rid of you, might as well make the most of it." 

Louis slapped her hip as she passed making her laugh.

*

Harry swore he'd never be part of one of those softly crooning couple tucked together in a booth unfortunately he became just that  with Louis trapping his ankle between his and dotting ice cream on his face.

"You're getting more on me than I'm eating." Harry grumbled stealing Louis onion rings.

"Well excuse me," Louis said slapping his spoon against Harry's cheek with a laugh.

He dropped the spoon back into the dish and wiped at Harry's cheek with a napkin. "Better?" 

"Better." Harry rolled his eyes.

Louis' eyes flickered down to Harry's lips, leaning in slightly.

"You've got a bit..." he trailed off pressing his lips to Harry's his hand cupping his cheek, thumb rubbing against the corner of Harry's mouth, pulling back he swiped his thumb across Harry's lips.

"Either this is surprising or overdue, I can't decide."

Harry's eyes flickered up to meet Niall's smirk.

"Hi." he drawled, not even trying to remove himself from Louis arms, despite the blush crawling up his chest.

Niall shook his head. "Overdue." he muttered sprawling into the seat across from them. "So this is a real thing?"

Louis glanced at Harry, a slight smile tipping the ends of his mouth, entwining their hands under the table "Yeah." 

Niall hummed, eyebrows inching upward. "Okay."

A few minutes later Louis left to get his phone out of the car and Niall leaned forward.

"Not to sound like a bad guy but, be careful." 

Harry leaned back, crossing his arms. "What makes you think I'm not?"

Niall shook his head.  "I just don't want you hurt, H."

Harry looked away. "I know...he won't, not this time."

*

"What's wrong?" Louis asked propping himself up on his elbow and looking down at Harry as they lay in his bed.

"Nothing." Harry said making a face, stroking the strip of skin where Louis shirt had ridden up as they kissed.

 Louis sat up away from Harry. "You're lying."

"I'm not." Harry laughed, idly  scratching at his hip.

Louis rolled his eyes and started to climb off the bed. "Oh come on, Lou."

"No." Louis stopped half straddling Harry. "This won't work unless we talk, that's how we got into a mess to begin with."

"I'm not used to it, talking to you about you." Harry sighed. "For years I could talk to everyone but you, it's just ...it's going to take me a while to get used to it."

Louis settled at the foot of the bed, ducking his head, asking softly. "How many times can I apologize before it makes an impact?" 

Harry crawled up to Louis , knees touching and tilted his chin up, biting his lip.

"It's not something you can apologize for Lou, it's just me." 

Louis shook his head, looking away. "I hate that I hurt you."

Harry pursed his lips. "You did," he agreed. "You hurt me a lot, but you didn't know, it's not like you were doing it purposefully."

Louis laughed bitterly. "Doesn't fix it, does it?"

Harry traced along his jaw. "No, but we're here now. We've worked it out, we've learned a lot. Lou I know you won't hurt me, I know you never meant to before. I don't want you to apologize anymore, we can't change the past and every time you apologize we go back, I'm ready for now."

Louis silently laced their hands, pressing a kiss to the back of Harry's hands. "I love you."

Harry's lips twitched up. "I love you too, but I'm serious."

"I know." Louis whispered looking up.

Harry leaned in, their foreheads knocking together lightly. "Guess what?"

Louis hummed, pressing his lips to the corner of Harry's mouth. 

"I forgive you." Harry breathed lips turning up.

"Yeah?" Louis whispered hands crawling up Harry's sides to cup his face.

"Yeah." Harry grinned as Louis tackled him to the bed, knees on either side of his waist straddling him while his fingers danced across his ribs making him writhe on the bed, sharp laughs spilling from his mouth.

 

***

 

"Harry, there's a girl to see you?" Barbra said sticking her head in the back room where Harry was on the ground taking inventory.

Harry set down the clipboard and brushed off his knees . "You know that joke isn't even funny anymore Bab." 

Harry hip checked her lightly, scowling when she pinched him. He weaved his way around the kitchen to the front room.

"Lizzy?" he stopped in the doorway seeing the blonde girl looking out the front window at the rainy street. "What are you doing here, love?"

She turned and wiped at her nose with her baggy sweater Harry was almost certain was Louis' eyes rimmed in red.   
"Were you angry, when your parents split?" she asked, bottom lip trembling.

"Oh, Lizzy." Harry sighed, opening his arms.

She immediately fell into them, burying her face in his shoulder. "Babe, there's no right feeling, okay?"

She sniffled into his shoulder. "Can I stay with you a little while?" she begged. "I wont touch anything and I'll stay out of the way, I just don't want to go home yet."

Harry glanced over his shoulder, Barbra was standing behind the counter nodding and flashing a thumbs up.

"You can help me in the storage room." Harry suggested as she pulled away, wiping at her face, her makeup running. Harry dabbed at a streak near her eye.

"You're a right mess."

Harry's phone was clattering non stop by the time his shift ended, he frowned, pulling on his coat, glancing over at Lizzy while she watched Sebastian roll the dough before the night rise.

Unlocking his phone he found over fifty messages from Louis, all the same variation  of   **Please tell me you've seen Lizzy**

 _She's here!_ Harry responded to the most recent message.

**thank god**

**she ran off when mum and dad told the girls about the split in a proper fit**

_I figured, she was in tears when she got here, I'll try and get her to come home might end up at mine_

**ok talk to her if you can idk teenager girls are weird af**

Harry smiled to himself slipping his phone into his pocket.

"Ready?" 

 Lizzy shrugged and pulled her sleeves over her hands waving to Sebastian while Harry bid Barbra good night. He held the door for her to slip out and she slipped her arm into his as they walked.

"It's going to be hard when you go to school," Lizzy said after a few minutes. "With your mum having the car. You won't be able to visit very often."

Harry watched as she kicked a stone, the misty rain catching on her cheeks.

"Probably." he agreed, "But my dad's been trying to convince me to let him buy a graduation gift worth all the time we didn't talk so maybe I'll be a cliche and ask for a car."

"Is it hard with them being divorced to talk to him?" Lizzy asked gnawing at her bottom lip.

Harry stopped and tilted her chin up. "My parents split for a totally different reason than yours are Lizzy, I was very angry at him for what he did for a very long time and I was very scared about what he'd think about my sexuality. I pushed him away, I didn't want to talk to him I didn't want to see him, he did try and contact me over the years but I didn't want it."

"Dad doesn't know about Lou." she muttered.

Harry sighed and started walking again, the rain soaking through his clothes. "Lizzy that's between your dad and Lou, that's not you, he's your dad and your old enough to make your own choices, right? If Lou doesn't want to see him that doesn't mean you can't either."

Lizzy sighed, burying into Harry's side until he wrapped his arm around her. "I'm just so angry , like Lou was just sitting there like it didn't matter like our family wasn't breaking and mum and dad were so fucking calm like 'we've decided to split' like who falls out of love after five kids?"

Harry chuckled. "I said the same thing, It'll be okay though, you've got a wicked mum, you've got Lou, me of course and my mum is always around if you want to ask her stuff - she's really chill with embarrassing stuff, believe me the number of talks I've sat through."

Lizzy laughed, covering her mouth. "Do you really think we'll be okay?"

The rounded the corner of the block their houses sat.

"You definitely will be." Harry promised squeezing her shoulders. "It'll be different but you'll be fine."

They stopped in front of her house. "You wanna go in? "

She frowned. "Could I come with you for just a little while?"

Harry smiled. "'Course. Maybe we can pawn my mum into making cocoa."

*

Lizzy was asleep  curled up on the opposite side of the couch, _The Return of the King_ playing softly  when the front door  closed quietly, Louis stepped leaned against the door frame to the sitting room.

"Hey." he said softly, hands tucked into his hoodie. 

"Hey." Harry called waving him over. "Sorry, got caught up in the movie."  
Louis glance at the screen as he sat on the arm of the couch, Harry's hand immediately going to his hip. "Hmm, Aragorn, I totally understand."

"Aragorn?" Harry asked outraged, "Please, Legolas is right there, how is Aragorn competition?"

"They're both hot." Louis weighed. "I always assumed there was something between them to be honest. "

"Aragorn's straight though." Harry rolled his head back to look up at Louis.

"Don't erase bisexuality Harry. Or he can be straight but not narrow." Louis chided, a smile tugging at his lips.

Harry rolled his eyes. "When would it happen? Between bouts of pining for Arwen?"

"Harold, just because nobody can hear you in the mountains doesn't mean it didn't happen." Louis giggled.

"Oh my god." Harry groaned. "Stop ruining my childhood."

Louis laughed again and settled back to finish the movie, hand coming up to stroke through Harry's hair.

"I hope I'm like Ian McKellen when I'm old." Harry muttered as Frodo said his goodbyes.

 "Well he does look good for a man in his seventies."

 Harry smacked his thigh. "He's so proud and open, I don't know, I just hope I'm like that." Harry shrugged, turning off the tv.

"My dad knows."

Harry froze, his heart jumping to his throat. "And?"

Louis looked at him. "And nothing, he knows, at least I think he does." 

He stood and pulled a throw off the chair draping it carefully over Lizzy, flicking his hair out of his face and holding out a hand for Harry.

"No, Lou, what do you mean?"

Louis shrugged. "I don't mean anything Hazza, he knows. We're not exactly subtle when we're out and about, it was only a matter of time."

Harry shook his head. "You wouldn't have said anything if it didn't mean something. Do you want to stop going out or-"  
"Christ no Harry. " he rubbed his face. " I'm not going to hide you, It's nothing, I just wanted you to know."

"So it's a bad thing?" Harry pressed.

"No, it's not bad it's not good, it just is. It is what it is." Louis entwined their hands, pressing his lips to the back of Harry's hand.  "Can we go to sleep?"

*

The night Liam returned  the four of them went out promptly having too many drinks in the dark sweaty club.

"This is such a bad idea." Liam groaned, resting his head on the sticky table. "I'm going to die in the morning."

Harry laughed slinging an arm around him. "Liam you got a job offer once you finish school _that_ is worth celebrating."

"Not if I die!" Liam moaned.

"You'll be fine." Harry pat his cheek clumsily turning to take the drink Niall offered.

"Where's Lou?" he slurred, there was a lipstick mark on his neck.

"I dunno." Harry said realizing Louis hadn't returned from the toilet, already weaving his way into the crowd.

He found Louis near the bar, body curved into his signature flirty pose as he talked to a tall bearded man, as Harry neared he glanced over his shoulder, a small smile playing on his lips as he laughed loudly at whatever the man in front of him said.

Harry's heart dropped, his own words playing over and over in his mind _"he won't, not this time."_  

Jealously bubbled in his stomach he didn't notice he was biting his lip until blood filled his mouth as he walked forward and wrapped an arm around Louis waist silently, resting his head on Louis shoulder.

The bearded man glanced at him eyes flickering up and down his hold on Louis.

"Nice talking to you." he drawled as Louis hand slipped up to cover Harry's.

"You too." Louis giggled.

As soon as the man was gone, Harry disengaged himself from Louis turning on his heel and making his way to the door of the club, ignoring Louis call.

He took a deep breath of cool air as he stepped outside, the stars twinkling through the headlight haze, cars passing and bass from the music pulsing.

"Harry!" Louis called catching the door. "What was that?"

He reached towards Harry and Harry stepped away back hitting the wall behind him brick stabbing him through his thin heart covered button up.

"No." he said words thick in his throat. "No. You promised me."

Louis frowned, brow furrowing. "What..."

His eyes grew wide. "Oh god Harry no that's not what that was-"

"What was it then!?" Harry shouted the alcohol in his blood stream getting advantage of his tongue . "I'm not blind!"

Louis rolled his eyes. "I was trying to make you jealous, okay?" he turned and paced.

"You're so calm all the time i just wanted to see what happened, it was stupid and I shouldn't have done it." 

He shook his head. "I just- You know I'm a clingy drunk and I just .. I needed to see you jealous, okay? I need to know you won't just turn away if someone comes on to me, for some stupid reason I needed you to be possessive  I needed to _see_ that you're jealous. I know you are, I do, but I just- it was stupid and I'm sorry."

Harry gaped as Louis wrung his hands together. "I don't.." he licked his lips, mouth dry. "Lou you were on that dance floor and I literally wanted to mark you up right there in front of everyone."

Louis glanced up at him. 

"I wanted to convince you to go to the toilet so I could take you apart so everyone would know when we came out, Christ I  want you all the time Lou." he stepped forward fingers dancing over Louis hips, ducking down he pressed his lips to Louis', nipping lightly at his bottom lip, Louis hands coming to rest low on Harry's back.

"I wanted you when you came over and watched me get dressed." he whispered as his lips traveled down to Louis throat, nipping and sucking lightly. "I wanted you while you fixed your hair and your shirt rode up."

Louis tilted his head back, bearing his throat his hands tightening in Harry's shirt, Harry nipped and sucked harder intent on leaving a mark.

"I wanted you in the car on the way over, fuck I wanted you when you sat in Niall's lap and dared me to drink that nasty blue thing." Harry tightened his grip on Louis hips, bringing their hips flush together, still working over his neck.

"I want you now." he whispered biting sharply  making Louis gasp and soothing it with gentle kisses.

Harry leaned back gently tracing the mark he'd made, smirking in satisfaction  "It'll be purple by morning." 

"I'll be bloody blue you keep this up." Louis rasped, wrapping his arms fully around Harry's waist and resting his head on Harry's shoulder, pressing soft kisses to Harry's neck.

Harry chuckled and pressed a kiss to Louis temple, drawing patterns on his back. "I'm sorry I overreacted."

"No, " Louis said arms tightening around Harry. "I shouldn't have done that, I was being-"

"Lou, it's okay, I ...I get it sort of." he knocked their foreheads together, "Don't do it again without cluing me in okay?"

Louis smiled pressing his lips to the corner of Harry's mouth. "I'm sorry I made you feel badly or question how I feel about you."

Harry's thumb brushed the corner of Louis eye and down to his mouth brushing over his bottom lip. "I won't say it's okay but I know how you feel and I really do understand and I don't doubt your feelings for me, You explaining made me sure of that - not that I doubted, but just made me sure."

Louis eyes twinkled. "I guess it's hard for me to talk about you with you too." he smoothed his thumb over Harry's cheekbone pulling him into a kiss.

"I'm in love with you." Harry muttered against his lips.

Louis smiled. "I'm ridiculously in love with you."

 

**

 

They were spread across the floor in front of the coffee table, Harry leaning forward typing an assignment, Louis laying with his head on his lap reading a textbook.  
"This is so ugly." Louis groaned dropping the book. "It's discussing stereotypes, I'm actually dying."

"Why?" Harry asked pausing to card through Louis hair.

"Basically." Louis sniffed. " I'm smaller than you so I should be the sub in our relationship."

Harry frowned. "You're not smaller than me?"

Louis slapped his side. "Body shape you dirty boy."

"Ohhhh, I see." Harry nodded, cheeks dimpling. "That is stupid, I don't think I could be dom all the time."

"You take so bloody long." Louis muttered picking up his book again.

"Well excuse me, romance is actually dead it seems." Harry stuck out his tongue. "Maybe I just like you on edge, ever think of that?" 

"I know you like me on edge." Louis snorted. "You talk in your sleep remember?"

"Fuck you." Harry snipped turning back to his laptop, a smile taking over his face.

"Girls are home." Louis sighed. "Besides I'm not saying I don't like it."

"Sounded like a complaint to me."

Louis tugged on his shirt. "You know I like it slow and sweet, but sometimes I just want-"  
"You know I can literally hear every word your saying and I'm slightly grossed out right now."Lizzy yelled from the kitchen, seconds later she stood in the doorway. "I can never look either of you in the eye again. " 

Harry caught Louis and dissolved into giggles.

" We'll have to make it up to her." Louis sighed, cheeks pink hearing her stomp around .

"Actually I was going to ask  your mum later but with Babs hurting her back the bakery needs another set of hands and I offered to ask  Lizzy, it's only a few hours in the afternoon  and she'll need to learn to use the register but it'll be a little spending money for her."

"She'd like that, mum will probably say yes." Louis hummed. "Which reminds me there's a open place not far from the school, I asked if they could hold off until we could all look at it, if you still want to."

"Yeah, totally." Harry said momentarily forgetting his assignment to look at Louis.

His eyes sparkled with warmth.

"Yeah?" he whispered hand coming up to tangle in Harry's hair. " Wanna live with me? Have a bed that's ours?"

"Yeah." Harry breathed leaning closer. 

"Wake up with me every morning and fall asleep with me every night?"

"Yeah, I'll even let you stick your cold feet between mine." Harry smiled, hand coming to trace along Louis eyebrow.

"I do that anyway." Louis snorted, stroking Harry's hair. He pulled him down into a kiss as the front door opened.

"Hello loves, no sex in the living room." Jane sang kicking off her shoes. 

"Mum please, we have decency."

Jane laughed. "Harry are you staying for dinner?"

"Actually," Harry called checking the time. "I've got someone my mum wants me to meet, but thank you."

"Oh that's tonight?" Louis asked sitting up and fixing his hair while Harry saved his work.

"Yeah, "Harry muttered. "It's the only time Susan can come down with exams coming up."

Louis hummed. "Have fun, let me know if we need to trash anything."

Harry smiled, brushing his knuckles over Louis cheek. "I will."

Louis nuzzled into his hand and gave him a quick kiss. 

*

_Mums staying away, house to ourselves..._

**give me 5**

Harry bit back his smile as he called his mother as promised, telling her he arrived home safely. Warm arms wrapped around his waist.

"Hi."

"Hi," Harry sighed, leaning back into Louis, feeling him press a kiss to his shoulder.

"How was it then?" Louis asked swaying them to silent music, pressing his lips across the expanse of Harry's back, nimble fingers making work of his buttons.

"Nice, he's really nice." Harry sighed turning around and wrapping his arms around Louis, mouthing at his neck. "He's got mum saved in his phone as 'the most beautiful woman' with a little world emoji." 

Louis chuckled. "Seems like a good guy then."

He ran his hands up Harry's stomach having finished the buttons, working it off his shoulders letting it fall to the floor.

"Mum looked so young and so happy." Harry muttered hands sliding down Louis back.

"Your mum deserves it." Louis whispered through a smile kissing the corner of Harry's mouth.

Harry smiled kissing him, hand coming to cup the back of his head slowly backing up to his bedroom.

"No more mum talk." Harry said sitting down on the bed.

"Agreed." Louis laughed airily  straddling him. He pushed Harry back and laced their fingers together. "I love you a lot you know that?"

Harry smiled up at him. "I love you a lot too. Wanna to keep you."

"Oh?" Louis asked sitting up and stripping off his shirt, the muted light from the lamp, throwing all the right shadows. "Keep me huh?"

Harry nodded as Louis stretched out over his body nestling between his legs. "Yeah, keep you forever."

"Well." Louis mused. "That's a good thing, 'cause I kinda wanna keep you forever too."

Harry bit his lip, hands sliding up and down Louis back, wanting him closer. "Yeah?" he asked breathless.

"Yeah." Louis breathed, blue blue blue eyes shining with a promise.

Harry kissed him, getting him closer than possible, bodies entwining, whispers and caresses, oaths and pleas made and given, falling asleep skin to skin, a warm rush in his chest that had been building for years hotter than a blazing fire .

 

**

 

Harry was pulled from his sleep by the gentle rustling of the sheets, dragging his eyes open he saw the - his - tiny baby cooing in her sleep. He couldn't help the smile growing on his face watching her, Louis must have brought her to bed after four am feeding, laying her between them, arm curling  around her protectively.

She let out a tiny sigh as Harry traced a feather light finger over her furrowed brow, stroking her soft cheeks and  nose, her rosebud mouth opening when Harry traced her lips, her hand reaching out and gripping his finger as she hummed in her sleep.

Harry blinked rapidly, eyes damp as he pressed a ridiculously soft kiss to her soft baby shampoo scented curls.

When they'd found their surrogate after five  years of a  crazy lifestyle, finishing school and working their ways into comfortable positions at work, traveling and most importantly talking of the future, they decided they didn't want to know which of them was the donor, it became obvious upon seeing their newborn baby girl with a head of dark curls.

 _"Just like her daddy."_ Louis had whispered cradling her close, eyes bright.

Her pale eyes blinked open, staring up at him in amazement before she grabbed a handful of Harry's hair pulling it towards her mouth in a chubby fist.

"No lovely." he whispered glancing as the shape under the sheet across from him stirred. "My beautiful girl."

The baby cooed kicking her feet waving her fists in the air, Harry caught one and stuck it in his mouth making her shriek.

The sheet rustled and Louis emerged, face lighting up in an impossibly soft smile.  Harry caught his gaze, eyes passing unspoken words between them.

"My beautiful, darling girl." Louis breathed, pressing kisses all over the baby's face making her squeal in delight. "My beautiful boy."  Louis whispered leaning over to kiss Harry, thumb stroking over his lips.

They lay in bed cuddling the baby the warm glow from the sun filtering through the gauzy curtains.

"What are you thinking?" Louis asked, watching as the baby babbled at the tattoo on his wrist. 

They had inked their skin with many promises over the years, images fitting together like puzzle pieces, an anchor and rope, a ship and compass pointing home.  

"How if I died right now I'd be dying happy." Harry muttered looking up, finding Louis watching him, blue blue blue eyes twinkling.

"Oh?" 

"I'm with my best friend on earth who happens to be the love of my life and our beautiful baby girl, what more do I need?"

Louis face broke into a smile, eyes shining.

"I'm so ridiculously in love with you." he said kissing Harry's shoulder.

"That's good," Harry whispered resting his cheek on Louis head, watching their baby coo and kick between them face lighting up in a smile upon catching Louis tickling fingers.

"Cause I'm ridiculously in love with you."


End file.
